BabyBarista

A worm's eye view of the English Bar

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Coffee wars

It’s always been a well-known fact that the way to a pupilmaster’s heart and hence to the coveted prize of a tenancy in chambers is through the making of consistently good coffee. So it’s perhaps not particularly surprising that a coffee-making sub-culture tends to develop during the year of, er, legal training. But this year […]

September 17, 2013 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

I’m a barrister, don’t you know

“It’s absolutely outrageous!” said OldSmoothie today. “A car went right into the back of me last month, completely their fault and now I’m being blackmailed into settling.” “What on earth do you mean?” said BusyBody. “Well, after the accident I wrote a very strongly-worded letter telling them that they may as well settle now or […]

September 2, 2013 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

Elephant test

‘Where’s the line between chatting to your client before court and coaching them?’ asked a pupil today in the clerks’ room. ‘Just don’t start giving them any answers,’ said TheVamp. ‘But if you suggest they read a witness statement that you know has been carefully drafted by the solicitor, aren’t you already doing that?’ he […]

August 20, 2013 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

Cliché city

This morning BusyBody was talking about OldSmoothie and the female judge he appeared in front of yesterday. “Apparently they go a long way back,” she said raising an eyebrow. “What? You mean they had an affair at college?” said The Vamp. “As opposed merely to going ‘way back’, I suppose?” said TheBusker. “Exactly. That would […]

July 29, 2013 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

Alternative advice for pupils in court

With all the pupils now up and on their feet in court, TheCreep has taken to lecturing them at every opportunity and he was doing so again at chambers tea yesterday. “There’s something of the pupil fancier about TheCreep,” said OldSmoothie. “I think it has something to do with the fact that they’re the only […]

July 15, 2013 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

Conspiracy in chambers

Much chat this morning in the clerks’ room about Slick the modernising QC and his mini-me Slicklet. “Slick’s started making waves,” said OldSmoothie to HeadClerk. “He’s gathered together a few of the disaffected hangers-on in chambers and is really pumping out the bile against you.” “Let them hate so long as they fear,” said HeadClerk. […]

July 8, 2013 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

The charm of the bar

“The biggest problem for TheCreep is that however hard he works and however many people he creeps his way up to, he fundamentally doesn’t have what it takes to be a successful barrister,” said OldSmoothie today. “And what’s that?” asked TheVamp. “Ambition and greed,” said TheVamp. “Charm, or at least a certain charisma,” said OldSmoothie. […]

July 1, 2013 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

Tricks of the trade

“One of the witnesses in my case had a classic give away under cross-examination,” said BusyBody today. “Kept scratching her nose each and every time she lied. In the end even the judge was chuckling along with me.” “I tend to find that their eyes go up and to the left as if they’re trying […]

June 5, 2013 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

Steering clear of the clients

“It’s about time everyone in chambers qualified for direct access,” announced the modernising Slick today. “You must be joking,” said OldSmoothie. “Can’t think of anything worse, in fact.” “What? You don’t want access to that huge pile of potential fees which is the general public?” said Slick. “It’s all very well giving us direct access […]

June 3, 2013 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

Passing the buck

“I got contacted by a PR agency today,” said OldSmoothie. “They wanted to send me a copy of a new law book. Very kind, I replied, here’s my address. All good so far. Then came a short reply back asking me to sign an attached non-disclosure agreement in order to, er, protect the book before […]

June 2, 2013 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

• « Older Entries
• Newer Entries »

• THE MAIN CHARACTERS

• OldSmoothie

  
• Think Peter Bowles in To The Manor Born and Milk Tray Man, but not quite. Once successful barrister now put out to graze as a committee man.

• TheCreep

  
• Jumped up little twerp who sucks up to the big beasts in chambers and struts around as if he's really something when actually he's not.

• SlipperySlope

  
  

  Solicitor skilled in the art of creative billing. Has the airs and graces of a country squire but is more a cross between Arthur Daley and Boycie from 'Only Fools and Horses'.

• Smutton

  
  

  Brassy to UpTights’s classy and yet still, somehow, sexy.

• NurserySlope

  
  

  Solicitor who is SlipperySlope's neice. Skis, rides and looks like a horse.

• JetSet

  
  

  A new solicitor character who's got a training contract and lords it over PanicStricken. She's wealthy, well- connected and spends most weekends either skiing or clubbing abroad.

• ScandalMonger

  
• Ruthless PR guru who has become one of BabyB's secret litigation weapons

• BigMouth

  
• Pompous Tory MP stuck on the backbenches like a piece of old chewing gum

• BusyBody

  
• A whirlwind of interference with a good heart and always up for a fight, particularly with OldSmoothie.

• TopFirst

  
• BabyB’s sworn enemy and former fellow pupil

• BabyBarista

  
• A young Flashman meets Rumpole meets Francis Urquart for the 21st century

• OldFatherTime

  
• A whisper on the wind, Highlander-type figure who is older than time itself

• TheVamp

  
• Tenant in chambers and a walking Carry On film of an innuendo

• OldRuin

  
• How a barrister should be. Dumbledore meets Clarence, the angel in Its a Wonderful Life. BabyB’s redemption.

• TheBusker

  
• Barrister of ten years call with the integrity and decency of OldRuin. Very laid back in his approach to both court and life. Admired by BabyB.

• TheBoss

  
• BabyB’s ex-pupilmaster. Unscrupulous, spineless coward.

• HeadClerk

  
• The real power in chambers. All seeing, all knowing.

• PupilFodder

  
• Learner Barrister foisted upon his unsuspecting client who gets shredded in court

• UpTights

  
• BabyB’s pupilmistress for his second six months who was almost called BoTucks for the work she’s had done. Insists on boundaries and personal space. Has ‘issues’.

• JudgeJewellery

  
• Judge with penchant for stealing high street trinkets