Tricks of the trade

“One of the witnesses in my case had a classic give away under cross-examination,” said BusyBody today. “Kept scratching her nose each and every time she lied. In the end even the judge was chuckling along with me.”

“I tend to find that their eyes go up and to the left as if they’re trying to access a particular part of their made-up story,” said OldSmoothie.

“Your give away when you’ve got a terrible case is to start scratching your receding hairline,” said TheVamp.

“And yours for that matter is to adjust the top of your bra strap for some reason,” he replied.

“Trust you to notice,” said BusyBody.

“You know, Slippery employs a body language expert whenever he has a big negotiation. Tells his opponent they’re his assistant when in fact they’re some hired-in specialist consultant.”

“I know someone else who always takes along a poker champion to do his bidding. Figures he’ll be better both at selling his own case and more importantly reading how strong the other side are feeling about their own case.”

“The best I’ve heard is a barrister who has a voice stress analyst sitting in the back of the court texting him messages to his mobile as to when their analysis suggests a witness or an opponent is bluffing or just plain lying,” said UpTights.

“Or a judge for that matter,” said TheBusker.

“That’s nothing. I know one solicitor who refuses to take a case on a no-win no-fee unless the client is prepared to take a lie-detector test, kind of Meet the Parents style.”

“Maybe we should start doing that for pupillage interviews,” said HeadofChambers. “It’d certainly spice things up a little.”

BabyBarista is a fictional account of a junior barrister written by Tim Kevan whose new novel is Law and Peace. For more information and to read past posts visit Cartoons by Alex Williams, author of 101 Ways to Leave the Law.

June 5, 2013 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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