Conspiracy in chambers

Much chat this morning in the clerks’ room about Slick the modernising QC and his mini-me Slicklet.

“Slick’s started making waves,” said OldSmoothie to HeadClerk. “He’s gathered together a few of the disaffected hangers-on in chambers and is really pumping out the bile against you.”

“Let them hate so long as they fear,” said HeadClerk.

“A favourite saying of Caligula, I believe,” said OldRuin as he entered the room with a smile.

“It’s just that other members of chambers are starting to get twitchy, what with the Jackson reforms just around the corner and people worrying that their practices are about to collapse.”

“Well, certain people’s practices are certainly going to be collapsing,” said HeadClerk.

“But if the small claims limit is raised to £15,000…” said TheCreep.

“Then both sides will have to start bearing their own costs. They’re certainly not going to stop hiring lawyers.”

“But what about this move towards mediation?”

“Even better. Another pointless additional hearing which will result in nothing more than more fees for the lawyers. Remember, whatever they try, they’ll never keep the lawyers away. You should know that by now.”

“Apparently he’s putting together a manifesto and is branding himself as some kind of modernising Blairite figure for chambers,” said TheCreep.

“A little bit behind the times, wouldn’t you say,” said HeadClerk.

“He’s saying that barristers are no different to plumbers and they need to start getting to used to competing on the open market.”

“I’m hardly one for ivory towers,” said HeadClerk, “but I’ve seen his type come and go over the years. Always the same. Slick is as Slick does.”

“Anyway, I’d watch your back,” said OldSmoothie. “Whatever snivelling and weaselly words he uses to try and draw you out with talk of compromise, rest assured that he’s preparing for a fight and pretty soon is my guess.”

“What is it they say?” said TheBusker. “Slicker than er…”

“…phlegm on a brass doorknob,” said TheVamp.

BabyBarista is a fictional account of a junior barrister practising at the English Bar, written by barrister and writer Tim Kevan. For more information and to read posts from the last few years visit Cartoons by Alex Williams, author of 101 Ways to Leave the Law.

July 8, 2013 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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