Procuring work

“It’s about time we organised a lavish chambers party,” said Slick today. “Yes, because everyone knows that free champagne is the most cost-effective way of getting them to give you work,” said TheVamp sarcastically. “Exactly,” said Slick without a hint of irony. “In my last chambers we always budgeted for two bottles of the finest vintage […]

January 25, 2017 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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Barrister mating rituals

After their failed negotiation of last week, UpTights and OldSmoothie were against each other in court yesterday. OldSmoothie’s pupil was careful to take an accurate note of their learned last words on the case before they went into court and then he immediately posted it on Facebook. “You’re a stretched and gabbling shrew-faced old haridan […]

December 1, 2015 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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Experts

I was telling Claire about the terrible performance of my consultant neurologist in a case I did yesterday. She replied, ‘My pupilmistress used to say that you should never trust experts. As she put it, the ‘x’ stands for the unknown factor and the ‘spurt’ is simply a drip under pressure.’ Then she smiled and […]

August 18, 2015 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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King of the pupils

With August now upon us, the Temple has been beset by a veritable plague of mini-pupils. Little worker ants strutting their stuff and cracking jokes about how stupid or thick this or that Law Lord is to have written this or that irrelevant judgment. With all this activity, TheCreep has spotted an opportunity to make […]

August 4, 2015 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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Amending the record

I gave OldSmoothie my note of his, er, case conference with BigMouth today. Basically it consisted of telling BigMouth that he should declare all the cash he’s received from his banker friend both to Parliament and probably also the taxman. However, he’d then gone on on to whisper that although that was his strict advice, […]

June 9, 2015 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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Service industry

“I hate clients,” said Teflon as he arrived back into chambers after an obviously hard day in court. “The world would be so much easier without them,” smiled TheVamp. “Quite right,” said OldSmoothie. “No more whining on in conference, getting witness statements wrong and then complaining when they have to pay even though they lost.” […]

June 2, 2015 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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Paying for experience

HeadofChambers was telling us all in tea today that he had had a solicitor email him questioning how he could possibly justify charging £5,000 for a half an hour conference and asking for a breakdown. His reply echoed an apocryphal bill once sent by a doctor and said: 1. Conducting the conference – £250 2. […]

May 5, 2015 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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In your dreams

‘I hate this job,’ said OldSmoothie. ‘Seems a far cry from my childhood dreams of becoming rich and then going into politics and becoming even richer.’ ‘Such an idealistic youth you must have been,’ said BusyBody. ‘Though I have to admit that running personal injury claims is hardly the civil liberties campaigner I saw for […]

April 28, 2015 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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Getting ahead at the Bar

Unfortunately for TheCreep it seems that the mini-pupils have already sussed him out since a quick tour of the walls of the Temple will reveal that his posters have all been slightly defaced with the first ‘a’ in the word ‘ahead’ being deleted. So rather than his earnest sounding lecture entitled ‘TheCreep’s guide to getting […]

April 21, 2015 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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Beyond redemption

At chambers tea today BusyBody asked OldSmoothie, ‘Why are you always so rude to UpTights?’ ‘Because she’s a calcified witch,’ said he replied without even blinking. ‘Her heart’s turned to stone and whatever soul she had wasn’t able to survive in the bitterness and bile that pumps through her veins.’ ‘But you’ve got to admit […]

April 14, 2015 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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