Getting ahead at the Bar

Unfortunately for TheCreep it seems that the mini-pupils have already sussed him out since a quick tour of the walls of the Temple will reveal that his posters have all been slightly defaced with the first ‘a’ in the word ‘ahead’ being deleted.
So rather than his earnest sounding lecture entitled ‘TheCreep’s guide to getting ahead [...]

September 1, 2010 · babybarista · No Comments
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In your dreams

‘I hate this job,’ said OldSmoothie. ‘Seems a far cry from my childhood dreams of becoming rich and then going into politics and becoming even richer.’
‘Such an idealistic youth you must have been,’ said BusyBody. ‘Though I have to admit that running personal injury claims is hardly the civil liberties campaigner I saw for myself [...]

August 31, 2010 · babybarista · No Comments
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Time clock

OldSmoothie had a solicitor client today who was wise to OldSmoothie’s billing tactics and was extremely keen to keep the costs to a minimum.
‘I didn’t send any papers along as I wanted to be with you when you were going through them.’
‘No problem at all,’ said OldSmoothie. ‘Now, would you like a coffee before we [...]

August 27, 2010 · babybarista · No Comments
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Virgin on the rude

‘I’ve been examining mini-pupils today,’ said OldSmoothie at chambers tea.
‘Yes, I bet you have,’ said BusyBody sarcastically.
‘In every conceivable way, no doubt,’ said UpTights.
‘Intimately,’ added BusyBody.
‘You know, sometimes I get sick and tired of the two of you lowering the tone of every conversation. Particularly when it concerns the people who carry the future of [...]

August 24, 2010 · babybarista · No Comments
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Drink driving

With summer holidays looming there’s a definite de-mob happy feel to chambers at the moment and today TheVamp and I went out for a lazy lunch after having agreed a very fruitful settlement for both of us (and of course our respective clients).
We certainly weren’t planning on returning to chambers and the beer was flowing [...]

August 18, 2010 · babybarista · No Comments
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King of the pupils

With August now upon us, the Temple has been beset by a veritable plague of mini-pupils. Little worker ants strutting their stuff and cracking jokes about how stupid or thick this or that Law Lord is to have written this or that irrelevant judgment.
With all this activity, TheCreep has spotted an opportunity to make a [...]

August 11, 2010 · babybarista · No Comments
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Paying for experience

HeadofChambers was telling us all in tea today that he had had a solicitor email him questioning how he could possibly justify charging £5,000 for a half an hour conference and asking for a breakdown.
His reply echoed an apocryphal bill once sent by a doctor and said:
1. Conducting the conference – £250
2. Knowing the answer [...]

August 9, 2010 · babybarista · No Comments
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Nose jobs

Two of the clerks were discussing the merits of UpTights as a barrister today. “Well, she certainly knows her job,” said HeadClerk.
At that moment, OldSmoothie walked into the clerks room and said, “What? Another nose job for the wicked witch?”
“That’s the only type of job you’d be able to get these days OldSmoothie,” said BusyBody.
“Jobs [...]

August 2, 2010 · babybarista · No Comments
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Counting the inches

TheCreep was explaining tripping accidents caused by holes in the pavement to a couple of the pupils today.
“It all boils down to whether it’s half an inch or an inch,” he said in his usual patronising little squeak.
Unfortunately for him TheVamp again happened to be passing at just the wrong time. After he’d said the [...]

July 26, 2010 · babybarista · No Comments
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Barrister mating rituals

After their failed negotiation of last week, UpTights and OldSmoothie were against each other in court yesterday. OldSmoothie’s pupil was careful to take an accurate note of their learned last words on the case before they went into court and then he immediately posted it on Facebook. “You’re a stretched and gabbling shrew-faced old haridan [...]

July 15, 2010 · babybarista · No Comments
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The age of prosperity

HeadClerk made an announcement at chambers tea today. “With all this talk of cuts and a double dip recession, what we must not forget is that wherever there is hardship, there is opportunity.”
“What? Insolvency, repossessions, divorce…?” asked TheCreep.
“Yes, we certainly need to be advertising in those traditional areas. But the biggest opportunity facing us at [...]

July 13, 2010 · babybarista · One Comment
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Service industry

“I hate clients,” said Teflon as he arrived back into chambers after an obviously hard day in court.
“The world would be so much easier without them,” smiled TheVamp.
“Quite right,” said OldSmoothie. “No more whining on in conference, getting witness statements wrong and then complaining when they have to pay even though they lost.”
“And that’s just [...]

July 12, 2010 · babybarista · No Comments
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Amending the record

I gave OldSmoothie my note of his, er, case conference with BigMouth today. Basically it consisted of telling BigMouth that he should declare all the cash he’s received from his banker friend both to Parliament and probably also the taxman. However, he’d then gone on on to whisper that although that was his strict advice, [...]

July 8, 2010 · babybarista · 3 Comments
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UpTights’ suppositories

UpTights and OldSmoothie were negotiating a case today whilst they were in the clerks’ room and half of chambers seemed to be there to hear it. At one point UpTights said: “Well, I suppose…”
OldSmoothie immediately rolled his eyes and interrupted with: “Oh don’t give me another one of your long rambling ’supposes’ UpTights.”
Then TheVamp made [...]

July 7, 2010 · babybarista · No Comments
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Shining wits

OldSmoothie had another conference with BigMouth, the backbench Tory MP today and I was once again drafted in to take the minutes. Except that this time the conference took place on the terrace of the House of Commons with a jug of Pimms for company and within half an hour the two of them were [...]

July 6, 2010 · babybarista · One Comment
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Greed is good

Chambers tea was fizzing today following an announcement by HeadofChambers in which he proposed that chambers should follow the Bar Council chairman’s shiny new model for running chambers.
“It’ll mean that we can steal on in there and get block contracts from insurers and accident managers,” said HeadClerk, who clearly had a lot more idea what [...]

July 5, 2010 · babybarista · No Comments
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