Cliché city

This morning BusyBody was talking about OldSmoothie and the female judge he appeared in front of yesterday. “Apparently they go a long way back,” she said raising an eyebrow.

“What? You mean they had an affair at college?” said The Vamp.

“As opposed merely to going ‘way back’, I suppose?” said TheBusker.

“Exactly. That would mean they’d had an affair post-college.”

“With respect,” said TheCreep, “it could just mean that they’re just old friends.”

“Young man.” asked OldSmoothie, “‘with respect’ is a phrase only ever to be used on a judge.”

“And even then, only when you’re really wanting to show complete contempt,” said HeadofChambers.

“To be fair, complete contempt would be ‘with the greatest respect’,” said OldSmoothie.

“I hear what you say…” said TheCreep.

“Oh my,” said HeadofChambers wincing. “It really is cliché city here today. All I can hope is that you don’t use such sloppy language in court.”

“Sounds more like a football manager,” said OldSmoothie.

“Now there’s an idea,” said TheVamp. “Trying to sum up to a judge in the style of a manager.”

“At the end of the day,” said TheBusker. “It was a case of two halves…”

“…but our client gave one hundred and ten per cent…” said TheVamp.

“…and he’d be sick as a parrot if you let the other side win…”

“…but over the moon if you kicked their case into touch.”

“I think you may be on to something here,” said TheBusker. “Might have to give it a try in my case tomorrow.”

BabyBarista is a fictional account of a junior barrister practising at the English Bar, written by barrister and writer Tim Kevan. For more information and to read posts from the last few years visit babybarista.com. Cartoons by Alex Williams, author of 101 Ways to Leave the Law.

July 29, 2013 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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