I’m a barrister, don’t you know

“It’s absolutely outrageous!” said OldSmoothie today. “A car went right into the back of me last month, completely their fault and now I’m being blackmailed into settling.”

“What on earth do you mean?” said BusyBody.

“Well, after the accident I wrote a very strongly-worded letter telling them that they may as well settle now or they’d lose if it ever went to court.”

“Did you by any chance mention that you were a barrister?”

“I might have done. But only in passing.”

“And was your letter on official chambers notepaper?”

“Of course. But only because it’s free.”

“And now, let me guess? They’re threatening to report you to the Bar Council for trying to improperly use your position against them?”

“Er, yes, as a matter of fact,” said OldSmoothie looking somewhat surprised.

“And I imagine your conscience must have been doing royal battle with itself over the rights and wrongs of your position?”

“Hardly. I don’t think I did anything wrong at all.”

“Well, that may be open to debate but even so, if you’re so sure of yourself, why on earth are you so perturbed then?”

“Because I bet he also mentioned that he was a part-time judge,” said TheVamp.

“Er, well, yes, that might have come up in the conversation after the accident.”

“And now you’re worried that even if you didn’t do anything wrong, just the complaint itself could finish your judicial hopes forever.”


“Sounds like pretty good grounds for blackmailing him ourselves, wouldn’t you say,” said TheVamp smiling at BusyBody.

“Well, for a man who’s been misusing his position his whole career, I think the least he could do is make us coffee for the rest of the year,” said BusyBody.

“That is until I make it to the bench,” said OldSmoothie. “Then you’d be sorry you ever even made a joke of it.”

“Well, given the rumours I hear about your chances of ever being made a full-time judge, that most definitely would be a risk I’d be prepared to take,” finished BusyBody leaving OldSmoothie looking more worried than ever.

BabyBarista is a fictional account of a junior barrister written by Tim Kevan whose new novel is Law and Peace. For more information and to read past posts visit babybarista.com. Cartoons by Alex Williams, author of 101 Ways to Leave the Law.

September 2, 2013 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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