BabyBarista

A worm's eye view of the English Bar

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What’s the story?

“It’s all about controlling the narrative,” said TheCreep today. “Ah, I see it must be mini-pupil season,” said TheVamp, “and once more TheCreep has his only captive audience of the year.” TheCreep ignored her. “You’re either a leader or a follower. That’s the only distinction…” BusyBody smirked at the irony of TheCreep, of all people, […]

August 9, 2012 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

Spectators on the sidelines

“Have you heard the news?” said TheCreep with breathless excitement today. “What? You’ve finally won a case?” said BudyBody. “No, OldSmoothie has been instructed by a silver-medal winning Olympian to challenge the result.” He paused and then added, “He’s going for gold.” “Er, I think you’ll find that’s not actually true,” said TheVamp. “His client […]

August 4, 2012 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

The lawyer in your head

“Sometimes I hate being a lawyer,” said UpTights. “Sometimes?” smiled TheVamp. “That’s not fair. You love it, you hate it. But what I really can’t stand is when the little lawyer in your head starts crying blue murder just because you’ve spotted an inconsistency in what someone has just said to you.” “I know what […]

July 30, 2012 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

Fast-track injustice

“I see the government’s talking about introducing fast-track justice,” said OldSmoothie today. “Fast-track injustice more like,” said BusyBody. “Yes, in my experience speedy justice is a contradiction in terms,” said HeadofChambers. “Just like secret justice,” said BusyBody. “Sounds like something straight out of Kafka.” “Enough to make Lady Justice weep,” said OldSmoothie. “The whole point […]

July 25, 2012 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

Dirty tricks at court

TheCreep was fuming as he arrived back into chambers today. “I don’t believe it,” he said. “I thought I’d joined an honourable profession but today I seriously began to doubt that that was the case.” “Honourable? Lawyers?” said OldSmoothie. “Greedy, tricky, maybe. But honourable, really?” “Has someone been bullying you again MrCweepyWeepy,” teased TheVamp. “It […]

July 16, 2012 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

Higgs boson for lawyers

“Don’t you just love all this chat about the Higgs boson particle?” said TheBusker today. “Apparently, it’s the invisible glue which keeps the whole universe together,” said TheCreep. “I’d say that the invisible glue which keeps the whole universe together is in fact the legalese dreamt up by our esteemed profession,” said UpTights. “Yes, a […]

July 13, 2012 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

I love the law

“I love the law,” said UpTights today. “Makes me skip to work in the morning. Gives meaning to my life. Colour to my soul. Feeds me from the first to the last. You know, without the law, I am nothing.” “You might joke,” said OldSmoothie. “But it’s what you do so just get over yourself.” […]

July 9, 2012 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

Keep it complicated

“I’m really struggling to draft a Particulars of Claim I’ve been set,” said one of the pupils today. “The general rule,” said OldSmoothie, “is to make it as long and convoluted as possible.” The pupil looked confused. “But TheBusker was telling us only the other day never to say in a thousand words words what […]

May 25, 2012 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

The barristers are revolting

BusyBody was talking about the possibility of the criminal bar going on strike over cuts to legal aid today. “These cuts are outrageous,” she said. Particular as we are already struggling to keep our heads above water.” “Yes, it’s time to man the barricades,” said OldSmoothie raising a silver eyebrow. “It’s alright for you,” said […]

May 23, 2012 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

Cookie Monster

Chambers’ marketing manager was in somewhat of a fluster today. “It’s this new cookies law,” she said. “It seems we have to be compliant by 26 May.” “What on earth are you talking about?” asked OldSmoothie. “All of our, er, cookies, come from the likes of McVitie’s and Cadbury. I’m sure that we’re perfectly within […]

May 7, 2012 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

• « Older Entries
• Newer Entries »

• THE MAIN CHARACTERS

• OldSmoothie

  
• Think Peter Bowles in To The Manor Born and Milk Tray Man, but not quite. Once successful barrister now put out to graze as a committee man.

• TheCreep

  
• Jumped up little twerp who sucks up to the big beasts in chambers and struts around as if he's really something when actually he's not.

• SlipperySlope

  
  

  Solicitor skilled in the art of creative billing. Has the airs and graces of a country squire but is more a cross between Arthur Daley and Boycie from 'Only Fools and Horses'.

• Smutton

  
  

  Brassy to UpTights’s classy and yet still, somehow, sexy.

• NurserySlope

  
  

  Solicitor who is SlipperySlope's neice. Skis, rides and looks like a horse.

• JetSet

  
  

  A new solicitor character who's got a training contract and lords it over PanicStricken. She's wealthy, well- connected and spends most weekends either skiing or clubbing abroad.

• ScandalMonger

  
• Ruthless PR guru who has become one of BabyB's secret litigation weapons

• BigMouth

  
• Pompous Tory MP stuck on the backbenches like a piece of old chewing gum

• BusyBody

  
• A whirlwind of interference with a good heart and always up for a fight, particularly with OldSmoothie.

• TopFirst

  
• BabyB’s sworn enemy and former fellow pupil

• BabyBarista

  
• A young Flashman meets Rumpole meets Francis Urquart for the 21st century

• OldFatherTime

  
• A whisper on the wind, Highlander-type figure who is older than time itself

• TheVamp

  
• Tenant in chambers and a walking Carry On film of an innuendo

• OldRuin

  
• How a barrister should be. Dumbledore meets Clarence, the angel in Its a Wonderful Life. BabyB’s redemption.

• TheBusker

  
• Barrister of ten years call with the integrity and decency of OldRuin. Very laid back in his approach to both court and life. Admired by BabyB.

• TheBoss

  
• BabyB’s ex-pupilmaster. Unscrupulous, spineless coward.

• HeadClerk

  
• The real power in chambers. All seeing, all knowing.

• PupilFodder

  
• Learner Barrister foisted upon his unsuspecting client who gets shredded in court

• UpTights

  
• BabyB’s pupilmistress for his second six months who was almost called BoTucks for the work she’s had done. Insists on boundaries and personal space. Has ‘issues’.

• JudgeJewellery

  
• Judge with penchant for stealing high street trinkets