I love the law

“I love the law,” said UpTights today. “Makes me skip to work in the morning. Gives meaning to my life. Colour to my soul. Feeds me from the first to the last. You know, without the law, I am nothing.”

“You might joke,” said OldSmoothie. “But it’s what you do so just get over yourself.”

“I’m not joking,” said UpTights looking ever more manic. “I’ve truly decided that the law offers me everything I could ever want.”

“What? Money to pay for the surgery?” he replied.

“Not in the slightest. Appearance will always fade away. But the law, well it’s there forever and we, the lawyers, are building a great monument out of the cases we argue day in day out.”

“A monument to nit-picking, exclusion clauses and greed,” said BusyBody.

“Some legacy.”

“It’s a monument to both the light and the dark which makes up our beings,” said UpTights. “In the morning, I can be helping a terribly injured claimant and then in the afternoon I can be doing over a different one on some technical point or other. Light and dark BusyBody. We’ve got it all.”

“I’ve always quite liked Marx’s vision of being able to hunt in the morning, fish in the afternoon, rear cattle in the evening and criticize after dinner,” said TheBusker. “But hey, whatever it takes, I guess.”

“Just as OldSmoothie is a lawyer on the odd morning he has a case, a non-exec banker in the afternoon and then he’s a politician in the evening, hob-nobbing with the best of them,” said TheVamp.

“Was there ever a more toxic combination?” said BusyBody.

“I have to admit that I’ve always loved the law,” said HeadofChambers. “It might be a control thing but I’ve always enjoyed the fact that whatever set of circumstances is set before me, I am always able to reframe it to suit my client. It’s kind of like you’re creating a completely different world.”

“You can say that again,” said BusyBody. “I’ve always thought the way lawyers talk about the world is like some kind of a parallel universe. You know, it vaguely resembles the real world but with all kinds of really weird distinctions and truths that are completely alien to the population at large.”

“I’m honest enough to admit that I do it for the money,” said Teflon.

“I do it more for the status,” said OldSmoothie.

“Truth be told, I do it for the attention,” said TheVamp. “The me-time of when I stand up in court and the focus on every single person in that room is on me alone.”

“I do it for the people,” said TheBusker. “They make me both laugh and cry each and every day.”

“Well I’ve always liked it most for the camaraderie,” said OldRuin. “It’s not always something you appreciate and it might have a little to do with all being stuck in the trenches together but there are few things which give me greater pleasure than sharing battle stories over a glass or two of red wine.”

BabyBarista is a fictional account of a junior barrister written by Tim Kevan whose new novel is Law and Peace. For more information and to read past posts visit babybarista.com. Cartoons by Alex Williams, author of 101 Ways to Leave the Law.