BabyBarista

A worm's eye view of the English Bar

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Chinese walls and palm tree justice

BusyBody was talking about her case at chambers tea yesterday which involves a student appealing a decision by his college to expel him. ‘It was a complete kangaroo court,’ she said. ‘I’ve always loved the image that conjures up,’ said TheVamp. ‘You know, a huge kangaroo of a judge and all the little joeys coming […]

August 12, 2014 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

Learned usher

I was against TheCreep today and as always he was going his best to slime up to the judge. ‘Your honour, as I have already indicated to your learned usher, this case is likely to last half a day.’ The judge stopped TheCreep there. ‘Alfred,’ she said looking down from the bench to the older […]

August 5, 2014 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

An academic point

‘Penny for your thoughts?’ It was one of the pupils addressing OldSmoothie in the clerks’ room this morning. ‘You’d need a lot of pennies to be able to afford the benefit of my thoughts,’ he replied. ‘I would have said it was one penny too much myself,’ said UpTights. ‘Anyway, how can I help?’ said […]

August 5, 2014 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

Big wigs, law suits and custard

“My client today was quite a bigwig in the music industry by all accounts,” said BusyBody at chambers tea. “I love the idea of bigwigs,” said TheBusker. “I’ve always imagined these very important people walking around with huge over-sized barrister wigs on their heads which reach down as far as their ankles. Just kind of […]

July 29, 2014 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

Pupil pretensions

“You gotta love it,” said TheBusker. “Pupils and their little airs and graces. It’s almost as if the less important the barrister the more pompous they can be.” “That’s certainly the case for OldSmoothie,” said BusyBody. “So what have they been up to today?” asked TheVamp. “I overheard one chastising another for not tying the […]

July 22, 2014 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

Hearing voices

“My opponent’s voice completely changed when he went into court today,” said TheVamp. “One minute, he was negotiating all down to earth and normal and then suddenly…” “His voice flew to the back of his throat?” said TheBusker. “Yes. As if on entering the court he suddenly felt the need to sound posh.” “I’ve had […]

July 8, 2014 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

Glamping barristers

“I’m just back from living it large at Glastonbury,” said OldSmoothie the other day at tea. The younger members of chambers winced at his turn of phrase. “The end of cool as we know it,” said TheVamp. “It’s worse than that,” said BusyBody. “Apparently TheCreep had also hired a couple of yurts in order to […]

July 1, 2014 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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Stealing clients

Following Slick’s little modernising speech, HeadClerk is particularly sensitive to demonstrating that the old school ways are best and this week he went into overdrive a little while back on his usual trick involving QC celebration parties. You see, every QC has one, and tradition has it that it’s simply bad form not to invite […]

June 24, 2014 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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The modernisers are revolting

The other day we all went to the celebration party of a barrister in chambers who has just been made a QC. Actually, he’s only just been made a tenant in chambers as well, having joined from another set where it was said that he didn’t feel he was getting quite the attention he deserved. Though […]

June 17, 2014 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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The legal credit crunch

Chambers called an emergency chambers meeting yesterday. HeadofChambers explained why in his opening. “It has come to my attention that a number of solicitors’ firms have been selling off their future earnings to loan sharks.” “What’s the problem with that?” asked OldSmoothie. “It’s common business practice to factor the debts you’re owed at a discount […]

June 10, 2014 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

• « Older Entries
• Newer Entries »

• THE MAIN CHARACTERS

• OldSmoothie

  
• Think Peter Bowles in To The Manor Born and Milk Tray Man, but not quite. Once successful barrister now put out to graze as a committee man.

• TheCreep

  
• Jumped up little twerp who sucks up to the big beasts in chambers and struts around as if he's really something when actually he's not.

• SlipperySlope

  
  

  Solicitor skilled in the art of creative billing. Has the airs and graces of a country squire but is more a cross between Arthur Daley and Boycie from 'Only Fools and Horses'.

• Smutton

  
  

  Brassy to UpTights’s classy and yet still, somehow, sexy.

• NurserySlope

  
  

  Solicitor who is SlipperySlope's neice. Skis, rides and looks like a horse.

• JetSet

  
  

  A new solicitor character who's got a training contract and lords it over PanicStricken. She's wealthy, well- connected and spends most weekends either skiing or clubbing abroad.

• ScandalMonger

  
• Ruthless PR guru who has become one of BabyB's secret litigation weapons

• BigMouth

  
• Pompous Tory MP stuck on the backbenches like a piece of old chewing gum

• BusyBody

  
• A whirlwind of interference with a good heart and always up for a fight, particularly with OldSmoothie.

• TopFirst

  
• BabyB’s sworn enemy and former fellow pupil

• BabyBarista

  
• A young Flashman meets Rumpole meets Francis Urquart for the 21st century

• OldFatherTime

  
• A whisper on the wind, Highlander-type figure who is older than time itself

• TheVamp

  
• Tenant in chambers and a walking Carry On film of an innuendo

• OldRuin

  
• How a barrister should be. Dumbledore meets Clarence, the angel in Its a Wonderful Life. BabyB’s redemption.

• TheBusker

  
• Barrister of ten years call with the integrity and decency of OldRuin. Very laid back in his approach to both court and life. Admired by BabyB.

• TheBoss

  
• BabyB’s ex-pupilmaster. Unscrupulous, spineless coward.

• HeadClerk

  
• The real power in chambers. All seeing, all knowing.

• PupilFodder

  
• Learner Barrister foisted upon his unsuspecting client who gets shredded in court

• UpTights

  
• BabyB’s pupilmistress for his second six months who was almost called BoTucks for the work she’s had done. Insists on boundaries and personal space. Has ‘issues’.

• JudgeJewellery

  
• Judge with penchant for stealing high street trinkets