BabyBarista

A worm's eye view of the English Bar

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Exploitation at law

Poor old PanicStricken. She was visiting chambers today and BusyBody called her into chambers tea and started asking her about how she is getting on at SlipperySlope’s solicitors’s firm. “Not getting on, since you ask,” she replied. “I’m now working fifteen hours a day and he’s reduced my wages to er, nothing.” “What?” said BusyBody. […]

June 3, 2014 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

Bullying at court

“Sometimes, young man, you simply have to bully your opponent. Never forget to have that option on your back pocket.” It was OldSmoothie giving a lecture to one of the pupils today. “I hardly think that’s the sort of thing you should be advising,” said BusyBody. “That’s a bit rich coming from the Robing Room […]

May 27, 2014 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

Settlement city

“I just love it when insurers settle at the door of court,” said SlipperySlope on a visit to chambers today. “Yes, not only do we get the day off,” said OldSmoothie, “but we’re also rewarded with double fees for having taken such a huge risk in bringing a case to trial.” “Even though the reality […]

May 20, 2014 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

Wine is fine

“Did you see the article a while back which suggested that 15-24% of lawyers will suffer from alcoholism during their careers?” It was BusyBody in earnest. “Down on when I was a pupil,” said OldSmoothie. “The kids of today I suppose. All working too hard.” “Yes, in my day you either kept up with your […]

May 6, 2014 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

Put out to pasture

“Ah, Mr Wheaton,” said HeadClerk today. “I have a possession hearing for you in Lambeth.” There was silence in the clerks room as the other barristers passing through took in the full implications of what was being said. The aged John Wheaton looked distraught. You could tell that something very serious had just been indicated […]

April 22, 2014 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

Justice for sale

OldSmoothie was looking particularly smug today, even for him. “Yes, I’ve just got £10,000 on the brief for tomorrow’s one day trial,” he mentioned at least twice just when I was within hearing. “Why on earth would someone pay that much when they could get the junior tenant I shadowed today for £350?” asked a […]

April 15, 2014 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

Solicitor advocate

Poor ClichéClanger . There’s always been something of the am dram about this particular solicitor but today his performance really took the biscuit. Not that there should even have been a performance. You see, we both turned up at court on a case and then just before the client arrived ClichéClanger turned to me and […]

December 30, 2013 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

The listening barrister

There’s a pupil in chambers at the moment who I can only call PipSqueak. Not just on account of her lack of height but more due to the fact that she simply can’t stop talking. Every time she makes a point she stands on her tiptoes and er, well, squeaks. No other way to describe […]

December 23, 2013 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

Covered in red tape

I overheard UpTights chatting to a mini-pupil in the clerks’ room this morning. “Whenever we send papers back to solicitors, we tie them up in this pink ribbon,” she said, indicating a great mound of the stuff. “It’s where the phrase, ‘covered in red tape’ comes from.” “But why isn’t it ‘covered in pink tape’ […]

December 17, 2013 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

No-good pesky clients

‘I hate those no-good, pesky clients.’ It was OldSmoothie at chambers tea today. ‘The world would be so much easier without their dithering in the witness box and tut-tutting behind your back,’ said HeadofChambers. ‘That’s not my problem, exactly,’ said OldSmoothie, ‘although you do have a point. It’s that I rarely actually like any of […]

December 10, 2013 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

• « Older Entries
• Newer Entries »

• THE MAIN CHARACTERS

• OldSmoothie

  
• Think Peter Bowles in To The Manor Born and Milk Tray Man, but not quite. Once successful barrister now put out to graze as a committee man.

• TheCreep

  
• Jumped up little twerp who sucks up to the big beasts in chambers and struts around as if he's really something when actually he's not.

• SlipperySlope

  
  

  Solicitor skilled in the art of creative billing. Has the airs and graces of a country squire but is more a cross between Arthur Daley and Boycie from 'Only Fools and Horses'.

• Smutton

  
  

  Brassy to UpTights’s classy and yet still, somehow, sexy.

• NurserySlope

  
  

  Solicitor who is SlipperySlope's neice. Skis, rides and looks like a horse.

• JetSet

  
  

  A new solicitor character who's got a training contract and lords it over PanicStricken. She's wealthy, well- connected and spends most weekends either skiing or clubbing abroad.

• ScandalMonger

  
• Ruthless PR guru who has become one of BabyB's secret litigation weapons

• BigMouth

  
• Pompous Tory MP stuck on the backbenches like a piece of old chewing gum

• BusyBody

  
• A whirlwind of interference with a good heart and always up for a fight, particularly with OldSmoothie.

• TopFirst

  
• BabyB’s sworn enemy and former fellow pupil

• BabyBarista

  
• A young Flashman meets Rumpole meets Francis Urquart for the 21st century

• OldFatherTime

  
• A whisper on the wind, Highlander-type figure who is older than time itself

• TheVamp

  
• Tenant in chambers and a walking Carry On film of an innuendo

• OldRuin

  
• How a barrister should be. Dumbledore meets Clarence, the angel in Its a Wonderful Life. BabyB’s redemption.

• TheBusker

  
• Barrister of ten years call with the integrity and decency of OldRuin. Very laid back in his approach to both court and life. Admired by BabyB.

• TheBoss

  
• BabyB’s ex-pupilmaster. Unscrupulous, spineless coward.

• HeadClerk

  
• The real power in chambers. All seeing, all knowing.

• PupilFodder

  
• Learner Barrister foisted upon his unsuspecting client who gets shredded in court

• UpTights

  
• BabyB’s pupilmistress for his second six months who was almost called BoTucks for the work she’s had done. Insists on boundaries and personal space. Has ‘issues’.

• JudgeJewellery

  
• Judge with penchant for stealing high street trinkets