BabyBarista

A worm's eye view of the English Bar

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Archive for June, 2015

Old school settlements

FanciesHimself the junior clerk was negotiating a fee for one of OldRuin’s cases today with a long-time solicitor friend of OldRuin. Apparently he was looking for an increase in the fee and the answer came back: “I’ll up the offer from pounds to guineas. I’m in favour of guineas and I think OldRuin should be […]

June 30, 2015 · Tim Kevan · One Comment
Tags: babyb, chambers · Posted in: Uncategorized

Monday morning with Alex Williams’ cartoons

This cartoon is by Alex Williams who draws the Queen’s Counsel cartoons for The Times and in numerous books including The Queen’s Counsel Lawyer’s Omnibus. He offers almost all of his cartoons for sale at £120 for originals and £40 for copies and they can be obtained from this email info@qccartoon.com.

June 29, 2015 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Posted in: Uncategorized

The People’s Barrister

OldSmoothie’s trying every way possible to get the Tories to make him one of their new peers and somehow he thought his attempt at a publicity stunt today would help. You see, he feels that despite his inherent brilliance as an advocate and his incredibly successful career (not), he still doesn’t get the attention he […]

June 23, 2015 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Posted in: Uncategorized

Small is beautiful

“You will often find that the size of the bundle of papers is actually disproportionate to the size of the case itself,” said TheCreep as he patronised a couple of the pupils who were listening politely. “Shame that’s not true in other areas, my love,” said TheVamp as she passed by and tapped him on […]

June 16, 2015 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Posted in: Uncategorized

Amending the record

I gave OldSmoothie my note of his, er, case conference with BigMouth today. Basically it consisted of telling BigMouth that he should declare all the cash he’s received from his banker friend both to Parliament and probably also the taxman. However, he’d then gone on on to whisper that although that was his strict advice, […]

June 9, 2015 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog · Posted in: Uncategorized

Service industry

“I hate clients,” said Teflon as he arrived back into chambers after an obviously hard day in court. “The world would be so much easier without them,” smiled TheVamp. “Quite right,” said OldSmoothie. “No more whining on in conference, getting witness statements wrong and then complaining when they have to pay even though they lost.” […]

June 2, 2015 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog · Posted in: Uncategorized

• THE MAIN CHARACTERS

• OldSmoothie

  
• Think Peter Bowles in To The Manor Born and Milk Tray Man, but not quite. Once successful barrister now put out to graze as a committee man.

• TheCreep

  
• Jumped up little twerp who sucks up to the big beasts in chambers and struts around as if he's really something when actually he's not.

• SlipperySlope

  
  

  Solicitor skilled in the art of creative billing. Has the airs and graces of a country squire but is more a cross between Arthur Daley and Boycie from 'Only Fools and Horses'.

• Smutton

  
  

  Brassy to UpTights’s classy and yet still, somehow, sexy.

• NurserySlope

  
  

  Solicitor who is SlipperySlope's neice. Skis, rides and looks like a horse.

• JetSet

  
  

  A new solicitor character who's got a training contract and lords it over PanicStricken. She's wealthy, well- connected and spends most weekends either skiing or clubbing abroad.

• ScandalMonger

  
• Ruthless PR guru who has become one of BabyB's secret litigation weapons

• BigMouth

  
• Pompous Tory MP stuck on the backbenches like a piece of old chewing gum

• BusyBody

  
• A whirlwind of interference with a good heart and always up for a fight, particularly with OldSmoothie.

• TopFirst

  
• BabyB’s sworn enemy and former fellow pupil

• BabyBarista

  
• A young Flashman meets Rumpole meets Francis Urquart for the 21st century

• OldFatherTime

  
• A whisper on the wind, Highlander-type figure who is older than time itself

• TheVamp

  
• Tenant in chambers and a walking Carry On film of an innuendo

• OldRuin

  
• How a barrister should be. Dumbledore meets Clarence, the angel in Its a Wonderful Life. BabyB’s redemption.

• TheBusker

  
• Barrister of ten years call with the integrity and decency of OldRuin. Very laid back in his approach to both court and life. Admired by BabyB.

• TheBoss

  
• BabyB’s ex-pupilmaster. Unscrupulous, spineless coward.

• HeadClerk

  
• The real power in chambers. All seeing, all knowing.

• PupilFodder

  
• Learner Barrister foisted upon his unsuspecting client who gets shredded in court

• UpTights

  
• BabyB’s pupilmistress for his second six months who was almost called BoTucks for the work she’s had done. Insists on boundaries and personal space. Has ‘issues’.

• JudgeJewellery

  
• Judge with penchant for stealing high street trinkets