BabyBarista

A worm's eye view of the English Bar

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Therapy

OldSmoothie was boasting last night to just a couple of us in the clerks room about his latest sexual conquest. Apparently she was not only his opponent last week but is also twenty years younger than him. UpTights walked in on the conversation and said: “You really are a sad, lonely and dirty old man. […]

December 29, 2015 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: babyb, chambers · Posted in: Uncategorized

Who guards the guards?

OldRuin was in chambers today and talking to HeadClerk about police powers. “It’s the age old problem,” he said. “It’s all very well having an independent police force but then who guards the guards?” “We do. The people,” said HeadClerk. “You know, through Parliament.” “You’re right, of course,” answered OldRuin. “But who guards them?” “Well, […]

December 8, 2015 · Tim Kevan · 5 Comments
Tags: babyb, chambers · Posted in: Uncategorized

No touchy feely at the Bar

“I feel that the Apple Watch is going to take off, you know,” said PupilFodder. “Young lady,” said HeadofChambers sternly, “psychologists feel, not barristers.” She looked flustered and started to correct herself with: “Oh, sorry, I believe that…” “Believe? Believe?” said HeadofChambers, his voice rising. “Only priests believe my dear. Barristers are not paid to do either […]

July 28, 2015 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: babyb, chambers · Posted in: Uncategorized

The joys of being self-employed

“You know, alternative business structures are going to lead to us all working for solicitors firms,” said UpTights at chambers tea today. “Yeh right, as if we, the Bar, are going to do that,” said OldSmoothie. “But you already do,” said TheBusker, breaking it to him gently. “Oh, hmm, well, maybe so technically, but we don’t […]

July 21, 2015 · Tim Kevan · 3 Comments
Tags: babyb, chambers · Posted in: Uncategorized

Lack of insight

Very weird conversation in the clerks room this morning as everyone discussed this blog. Specifically they were talking about which characters they all think they most resemble. “I’d like to be OldRuin,” said TheCreep, but I think I’m probably more like TheBusker.” Incredulous looks increased further when BusyBody then added: “And I’m definitely Worrier.” “Well […]

July 14, 2015 · Tim Kevan · 4 Comments
Tags: babyb, chambers · Posted in: Uncategorized

Old school settlements

FanciesHimself the junior clerk was negotiating a fee for one of OldRuin’s cases today with a long-time solicitor friend of OldRuin. Apparently he was looking for an increase in the fee and the answer came back: “I’ll up the offer from pounds to guineas. I’m in favour of guineas and I think OldRuin should be […]

June 30, 2015 · Tim Kevan · One Comment
Tags: babyb, chambers · Posted in: Uncategorized

The new iPratt

OldSmoothie spent the whole weekend emailing people from his shiny new iPad hoping that they’d notice that it says ‘Sent from my iPad’. Unfortunately for him, what he hasn’t yet realised is that BusyBody got hold of it on Friday morning when he ostentatiously and wholly ‘by accident’ left it lying around in the clerks […]

June 1, 2010 · Tim Kevan · 5 Comments
Tags: babyb, chambers · Posted in: Uncategorized

Year 4, week 34: waiting for Frodo

Awkward silences today as a chambers meeting sat waiting for TheCreep to arrive since he was scheduled to be making a presentation. After a couple of minutes of strained conversation, TheBusker said: “A bit like Waiting for Godot.” “Or as ClichéClanger always put it,” said OldSmoothie, “waiting to pass go.” To which TheVamp replied, making […]

May 18, 2010 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: babyb, chambers · Posted in: Uncategorized

Year 4, week 31: OldSoak

OldSoak the resident chambers alcoholic was in chambers today and lecturing a couple of ridiculously earnest mini-pupils which have appeared with the holidays upon us. “You know, you kids should all slow down”, he said.  “You’re all in far too much of a rush to be getting on these days.  It’s all work, work, work.  […]

April 29, 2010 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: babyb, chambers · Posted in: Uncategorized

• THE MAIN CHARACTERS

• OldSmoothie

  
• Think Peter Bowles in To The Manor Born and Milk Tray Man, but not quite. Once successful barrister now put out to graze as a committee man.

• TheCreep

  
• Jumped up little twerp who sucks up to the big beasts in chambers and struts around as if he's really something when actually he's not.

• SlipperySlope

  
  

  Solicitor skilled in the art of creative billing. Has the airs and graces of a country squire but is more a cross between Arthur Daley and Boycie from 'Only Fools and Horses'.

• Smutton

  
  

  Brassy to UpTights’s classy and yet still, somehow, sexy.

• NurserySlope

  
  

  Solicitor who is SlipperySlope's neice. Skis, rides and looks like a horse.

• JetSet

  
  

  A new solicitor character who's got a training contract and lords it over PanicStricken. She's wealthy, well- connected and spends most weekends either skiing or clubbing abroad.

• ScandalMonger

  
• Ruthless PR guru who has become one of BabyB's secret litigation weapons

• BigMouth

  
• Pompous Tory MP stuck on the backbenches like a piece of old chewing gum

• BusyBody

  
• A whirlwind of interference with a good heart and always up for a fight, particularly with OldSmoothie.

• TopFirst

  
• BabyB’s sworn enemy and former fellow pupil

• BabyBarista

  
• A young Flashman meets Rumpole meets Francis Urquart for the 21st century

• OldFatherTime

  
• A whisper on the wind, Highlander-type figure who is older than time itself

• TheVamp

  
• Tenant in chambers and a walking Carry On film of an innuendo

• OldRuin

  
• How a barrister should be. Dumbledore meets Clarence, the angel in Its a Wonderful Life. BabyB’s redemption.

• TheBusker

  
• Barrister of ten years call with the integrity and decency of OldRuin. Very laid back in his approach to both court and life. Admired by BabyB.

• TheBoss

  
• BabyB’s ex-pupilmaster. Unscrupulous, spineless coward.

• HeadClerk

  
• The real power in chambers. All seeing, all knowing.

• PupilFodder

  
• Learner Barrister foisted upon his unsuspecting client who gets shredded in court

• UpTights

  
• BabyB’s pupilmistress for his second six months who was almost called BoTucks for the work she’s had done. Insists on boundaries and personal space. Has ‘issues’.

• JudgeJewellery

  
• Judge with penchant for stealing high street trinkets