Car crash barrister

There’s a young barrister who’s fast becoming notorious around the Temple as the worst barrister ever. His pleadings are embarrassing and his performances in court have the same rubber-necking attraction as a terrible car crash playing itself out in slow motion. Today, TheBusker had the pleasure of being against him and he was telling the story in chambers tea afterwards.

First off, the particulars of claim had been so badly drafted that his defence merely said: ‘The claim is insufficiently pleaded and inadequately drafted and for these reasons the defendant simply denies the claim in its entirety. In addition, the defendant mentions out of courtesy both to the claimant and the court that the document contains the following spelling and grammatical mistakes…’ There then followed a list of over thirty such errors.

At court, the young barrister has a complete inability to ask questions of his own witnesses without at the same time trying to lead them into the answers he would like. When he started off, TheBusker held up a placard which read: ‘If you want to lead, I would like to cross-examine you.’ This completely flustered the barrister. So much so that eventually the judge asked to see the placard. When it was shown to him he smiled and commented, ‘A very fair point MrBusker.’

As TheBusker told the story, TheVamp chuckled and said, ‘He reminds me of one of those yellow signs the police put out after a crime has occurred which asks for witnesses. I once saw a blank one sitting on a pavement at Cambridge Circus. As if the area was so notoriously bad that the sign represented a crime waiting to happen.’

BabyBarista is a fictional account of a junior barrister practising at the English Bar, written by barrister and writer Tim Kevan. For more information and to read posts from the last few years visit Cartoons by Alex Williams, author of 101 Ways to Leave the Law.

September 2, 2014 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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