Controlling the narrative

“It’s all about taking control of the narrative,” said TheBusker to a group of pupils yesterday after they’d asked how he always manages to win his cases. “Simplify it down to a clear story and then tell it to the judge at every opportunity.”

“Oh, come on,” said TheVamp. “It’s a little more than that in your case. I don’t know how you do it but you always seems to find some way or other to brainwash the judge.”

“I was against him last week,” said BusyBody, “and he was doing his usual snake eyes at the judge. Turned out he’s a huge fan of Gardeners’ Question Time and so he produced a wheelbarrow full of gardening metaphors. He called a spade a spade, didn’t sit on the garden fence and was planting seeds of doubt all over the place. Meanwhile, the more he had the judge chuckling, all I could do was dig a big fat hole for myself every time I spoke.”

“I once won a case in front of that judge simply by asking after his Morning Glory,” said TheVamp.

“So long as you didn’t mention his Golden Rod,” said TheBusker.

“Or his Stinking Willie for that matter,” she replied.

“And it wouldn’t do to suggest that he hardened off his Scarlet Plume,” said BusyBody putting her indignation to one side.

“Sneezeweed and Snotty Gogs always made me chuckle,” said OldRuin. “For my wife it was always Kiss Me Over the Garden Gate.”

“I guess the lawyers’ favourite would be the Money Plant,” said TheBusker.

“Or the Venus Fly Trap in UpTights’s case,” said OldSmoothie.

“And most definitely Knobweed for you,” she replied.

BabyBarista is a fictional account of a junior barrister practising at the English Bar, written by barrister and writer Tim Kevan. For more information and to read posts from the last few years visit babybarista.com. Cartoons by Alex Williams, author of 101 Ways to Leave the Law.