BabyBarista

A worm's eye view of the English Bar

• Home
• Privacy Policy

Archive for May, 2013

Truths and half-truths

SlipperySlope was in chambers today and lecturing PanicStricken over the duty of disclosure. “It’s really not half as onerous as you think,” he said. “I mean it all boils down to the question of relevance and believe me, that really is a term of art.” “But surely most things are vaguely relevant when you’re going […]

May 30, 2013 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

Collective nouns for lawyers

“I just bumped into a bunch of your instructing solicitors at the high court today,” said BusyBody to TheVamp. “Singing your praises they were.” “Do you think that “bunch” is really the best collective noun for solicitors?” said OldSmoothie. “A squabble, maybe” said BusyBody. “Or a deceit,” said TheVamp. “A scourge of solicitors, more like,” […]

May 25, 2013 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

When I grow up

The new pupils were all lined up this afternoon in chambers tea gossiping together about their experiences of their first week in chambers. “So what sort of practice would you most want to have when you’re older?” asked BusyBody of one. “I’d really love to be a human rights lawyer,” came the reply. “Though obviously, […]

May 21, 2013 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

To shake or not to shake

“I saw the most terrible thing happening the other day,” said OldSmoothie. “Made me wonder what the world had come to.” “What? A mugging?” asked BusyBody. “Worse than that,” he said. “A drive-by shooting, perhaps?” said TheVamp. “Worse still,” he said. “Come on, then,” said TheBusker. “What is it that’s so shaken your foundations?” OldSmoothie […]

May 15, 2013 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

Poppycock and moonshine

“I’ve decided to take up French,” declared OldSmoothie today. “Whatever language he says it in, he’ll still be speaking cobblers,” said UpTights. “Poppycock, I’d say,” said BusyBody. “I prefer moonshine, myself,” said TheCreep. “I’m sure you do,” said HeadClerk. “I once heard a barrister describe his opponent’s submissions as flapdoodle,” said SlipperySlope. “Just plain old […]

May 2, 2013 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

• THE MAIN CHARACTERS

• OldSmoothie

  
• Think Peter Bowles in To The Manor Born and Milk Tray Man, but not quite. Once successful barrister now put out to graze as a committee man.

• TheCreep

  
• Jumped up little twerp who sucks up to the big beasts in chambers and struts around as if he's really something when actually he's not.

• SlipperySlope

  
  

  Solicitor skilled in the art of creative billing. Has the airs and graces of a country squire but is more a cross between Arthur Daley and Boycie from 'Only Fools and Horses'.

• Smutton

  
  

  Brassy to UpTights’s classy and yet still, somehow, sexy.

• NurserySlope

  
  

  Solicitor who is SlipperySlope's neice. Skis, rides and looks like a horse.

• JetSet

  
  

  A new solicitor character who's got a training contract and lords it over PanicStricken. She's wealthy, well- connected and spends most weekends either skiing or clubbing abroad.

• ScandalMonger

  
• Ruthless PR guru who has become one of BabyB's secret litigation weapons

• BigMouth

  
• Pompous Tory MP stuck on the backbenches like a piece of old chewing gum

• BusyBody

  
• A whirlwind of interference with a good heart and always up for a fight, particularly with OldSmoothie.

• TopFirst

  
• BabyB’s sworn enemy and former fellow pupil

• BabyBarista

  
• A young Flashman meets Rumpole meets Francis Urquart for the 21st century

• OldFatherTime

  
• A whisper on the wind, Highlander-type figure who is older than time itself

• TheVamp

  
• Tenant in chambers and a walking Carry On film of an innuendo

• OldRuin

  
• How a barrister should be. Dumbledore meets Clarence, the angel in Its a Wonderful Life. BabyB’s redemption.

• TheBusker

  
• Barrister of ten years call with the integrity and decency of OldRuin. Very laid back in his approach to both court and life. Admired by BabyB.

• TheBoss

  
• BabyB’s ex-pupilmaster. Unscrupulous, spineless coward.

• HeadClerk

  
• The real power in chambers. All seeing, all knowing.

• PupilFodder

  
• Learner Barrister foisted upon his unsuspecting client who gets shredded in court

• UpTights

  
• BabyB’s pupilmistress for his second six months who was almost called BoTucks for the work she’s had done. Insists on boundaries and personal space. Has ‘issues’.

• JudgeJewellery

  
• Judge with penchant for stealing high street trinkets