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Monday morning with Alex Williams’ cartoons

This cartoon is by Alex Williams who draws the Queen’s Counsel cartoons for The Times and in numerous books including The Queen’s Counsel Lawyer’s Omnibus. He offers almost all of his cartoons for sale at £120 for originals and £40 for copies and they can be obtained from this email info@qccartoon.com.

December 19, 2016 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Posted in: Uncategorized

Ushering

I won’t say what court I was in today.  To do so would probably trigger an investigation from the new Ministry of Justice.  The reason is simple.  One of the judges is having an affair with his usher and most of the barristers know about it.  But what’s unusual about this, you might ask?  The fact […]

December 14, 2016 · Tim Kevan · 4 Comments
Posted in: Uncategorized

Ouch

UpTights received a call from a solicitor today.  Not just any solicitor but the senior partner at a massive firm which provides her with a lot of work.  However, it would be accurate to say that they have never quite seen eye to eye.  Legend has it that this has been since she spurned his […]

December 7, 2016 · Tim Kevan · 9 Comments
Posted in: Uncategorized

Monday morning with Alex Williams’ cartoons

This cartoon is by Alex Williams who draws the Queen’s Counsel cartoons for The Times and in numerous books including The Queen’s Counsel Lawyer’s Omnibus. He offers almost all of his cartoons for sale at £120 for originals and £40 for copies and they can be obtained from this email info@qccartoon.com.

December 5, 2016 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Posted in: Uncategorized

CheapSkate

Had the most annoying solicitor in the world on the phone today, a woman whose name can only be CheapSkate.  She’s renowned throughout chambers though her real nickname is somewhat ruder.  Anyway, CheapSkate makes a habit of preying on the baby bar and prides herself on not paying for a single advice.  The only reason […]

November 30, 2016 · Tim Kevan · 3 Comments
Posted in: Uncategorized

Like a bride’s nightie

UpTights and OldSmoothie were against each other one more time today.  As always, UpTights couldn’t help reacting to OldSmoothie’s jibes and was constantly interrupting him.  Eventually OldSmoothie reacted with the following, “I’m sorry, your Honour, but my learned friend has been up and down more times than a bride’s nightie.” The judge seemed somewhat distracted […]

November 23, 2016 · Tim Kevan · 3 Comments
Posted in: Uncategorized

KillingTime

Went out for a drink last night with a friend from college who is now working for a very posh city solicitors firm.  Somewhat gratified to hear that their standards are no higher than the ditch that is personal injury law. ‘It’s easy BabyB.  Our target is 2,400 hours a year and I had already […]

November 9, 2016 · Tim Kevan · 5 Comments
Posted in: Uncategorized

CaughtRoom

Had a fraud case this morning.  It’s incredible how much of a brass neck some people can have in the face of insurmountable evidence against them.  Absolutely playing to type.  Deep steady well-spoken voice with a slightly dishevelled kind of ex-military demeanour.  Upper-middle class boy done bad.  Kicked out of school at sixteen and then […]

November 2, 2016 · Tim Kevan · 2 Comments
Posted in: Uncategorized

FootInMouthDisease

Went to a solicitors’ drinks party last night and was all good until I stumbled across the especially boring senior partner of the firm who managed to corner me for a good twenty minutes about how important his firm was to chambers. In the end I just had to escape and made it to the […]

October 26, 2016 · Tim Kevan · 2 Comments
Posted in: Uncategorized

Assertiveness

BusyBody was in chambers the other day. “I’ve been taking advocacy lessons BabyB. It’s great, you’ve got to try it. He’s been teaching me to be more assertive.” Hmm, that’s like teaching Hannibal Lecter to cook. But it kind of reassured me that if he can make money out of that then really you can […]

October 19, 2016 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Posted in: Uncategorized

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• THE MAIN CHARACTERS

• OldSmoothie

  
• Think Peter Bowles in To The Manor Born and Milk Tray Man, but not quite. Once successful barrister now put out to graze as a committee man.

• TheCreep

  
• Jumped up little twerp who sucks up to the big beasts in chambers and struts around as if he's really something when actually he's not.

• SlipperySlope

  
  

  Solicitor skilled in the art of creative billing. Has the airs and graces of a country squire but is more a cross between Arthur Daley and Boycie from 'Only Fools and Horses'.

• Smutton

  
  

  Brassy to UpTights’s classy and yet still, somehow, sexy.

• NurserySlope

  
  

  Solicitor who is SlipperySlope's neice. Skis, rides and looks like a horse.

• JetSet

  
  

  A new solicitor character who's got a training contract and lords it over PanicStricken. She's wealthy, well- connected and spends most weekends either skiing or clubbing abroad.

• ScandalMonger

  
• Ruthless PR guru who has become one of BabyB's secret litigation weapons

• BigMouth

  
• Pompous Tory MP stuck on the backbenches like a piece of old chewing gum

• BusyBody

  
• A whirlwind of interference with a good heart and always up for a fight, particularly with OldSmoothie.

• TopFirst

  
• BabyB’s sworn enemy and former fellow pupil

• BabyBarista

  
• A young Flashman meets Rumpole meets Francis Urquart for the 21st century

• OldFatherTime

  
• A whisper on the wind, Highlander-type figure who is older than time itself

• TheVamp

  
• Tenant in chambers and a walking Carry On film of an innuendo

• OldRuin

  
• How a barrister should be. Dumbledore meets Clarence, the angel in Its a Wonderful Life. BabyB’s redemption.

• TheBusker

  
• Barrister of ten years call with the integrity and decency of OldRuin. Very laid back in his approach to both court and life. Admired by BabyB.

• TheBoss

  
• BabyB’s ex-pupilmaster. Unscrupulous, spineless coward.

• HeadClerk

  
• The real power in chambers. All seeing, all knowing.

• PupilFodder

  
• Learner Barrister foisted upon his unsuspecting client who gets shredded in court

• UpTights

  
• BabyB’s pupilmistress for his second six months who was almost called BoTucks for the work she’s had done. Insists on boundaries and personal space. Has ‘issues’.

• JudgeJewellery

  
• Judge with penchant for stealing high street trinkets