UpTightsUpTights received a call from a solicitor today.  Not just any solicitor but the senior partner at a massive firm which provides her with a lot of work.  However, it would be accurate to say that they have never quite seen eye to eye.  Legend has it that this has been since she spurned his advances some twenty years ago.  Let’s call him OldSoak.  UpTights had the phone on loudspeaker and so I heard both sides of the call.

“Hello, OldSoak.  How are you.”

“Not bad, UpTights.  Not bad.  But despite the fact that it’s always a pleasure to hear your dulcet tones, I was actually hoping to speak to OldSmoothie.”

“Oh.  I see.  Well.  Let’s see.  I’m not terribly good with this new-fangled phone system, you know.  I can give it a try, though.”

She then pressed a few buttons on her phone and got through to OldSmoothie.

“Hello OldSmoothie.  I have someone on the phone who puts even you into the shade on the loathsome stakes.”

“I see you’re on as charming form as ever UpTights.  Now, who could that be?”

“Well take a wild guess.  He’s even older than you, fancies himself even more than you but unlike you, his dearly beloved wife is having an affair with a young man that he’s just made partner in his firm.”

“Ooh.  Difficult one indeed.  You must be referring to our old friend OldSoak, methinks.”

“Yes, not my favourite person in the world.  Pays the bills though, I guess.”

“Well, quite UpTights.  Quite.  Priorities and all.”

At which point they were both interrupted from their gossiping by the following,

“Hello.  Hello.  What on earth are you talking about.  UpTights?  What’s going on?”

It was the voice of OldSoak himself.  UpTights had pressed the three way conference call.


December 7, 2016 · Tim Kevan · 9 Comments
Posted in: Uncategorized

9 Responses

  1. Sarah - July 9, 2007

    love the line “He’s even older than you, fancies himself even more than you”
    Great stuff!

  2. Barrister2b - July 9, 2007

    when I read the 1st paragraph I new what was coming next. It reminds me of something I once did when I did some work for BAe Systems, one of my co-workers was doing some work on his laptop so i sent him a message which went along the lines of “xx is a right ****” well when i sent the message I hit the “*” key and not the “&” key – my message was sent to every member of staff at BAe (thankfully not many were working at 3am on a Sunday night)

  3. Daniel - July 9, 2007

    Im seriously considering a career in Law and ur blog has both repulsed and compelled me further along that route. Any advice for a sixth form student about to start his second year and apply for Uni’s. Im most interested in becoming a Barrister.
    Keep up the good work!!!

  4. DOUBLE ESPRESSO - July 9, 2007

    This would never happen to me. Whenever a solicitor asks me to transfer them I tell them that I will try but I apologise in advance if they get cut off because I not very adept with the phone system and suggest they ring back. I then hang up the phone.

  5. Mr Pineapples - July 9, 2007

    Boom boom
    Bit obvious that one
    Keep up the good work….but do try harder next time

  6. Mr Pineapples - July 9, 2007


  7. Rupert - July 9, 2007

    Bar will be no more soon thank goodness
    Don;t waste your time on the bar
    Go and join the civil service instead

  8. Dodgy Geezer - July 10, 2007

    “..well when i sent the message I hit the “*” key and not the “&” key – my message was sent to every member of staff at BAe (thankfully not many were working at 3am on a Sunday night..”
    But presumably there were a lot more working at 9:30 am on the next Monday morning?

  9. Daniel - July 10, 2007

    Bar disappearing? Oh dear, not conducive to a career at the Bar could u point me in the direction of more information or the alternative to the bar (assuming there replacing it with an alternative service)
    Keep up the good work!!!