Like a bride’s nightie

UpTightsUpTights and OldSmoothie were against each other one more time today.  As always, UpTights couldn’t help reacting to OldSmoothie’s jibes and was constantly interrupting him.  Eventually OldSmoothie reacted with the following,

“I’m sorry, your Honour, but my learned friend has been up and down more times than a bride’s nightie.”

The judge seemed somewhat distracted by the unfortunate image which OldSmoothie had conjured.  Perhaps not realising that he was articulating his thoughts out loud, he said,

“Do you think brides still wear nighties these days?”

This was the last straw for UpTights and she stood up, once again ready to make a final objection.  At this, the judge snapped out of his reverie and returned to the proceedings,

“Sit down now Ms UpTights,” he stormed.  “Nighties…Naughties…”  He stopped, struggling to bring his mind back to the proceedings.  “I will have none of any of it in my court.”  Then, he seemed to remember where all of this had come from and calmed down, looked at UpTights and finished with,

“Will you please let your opponent finish without jumping up and down.”  At which point his eyes glazed over and it was obvious his mind had strayed back once again to nighties.

Oh, and I’ve finally discovered why OldSmoothie always seems to be up against UpTights.  Overheard his solicitor after the hearing,

“You’re always the man to do her over OldSmoothie.  Works like clockwork every time.  I hear she’s on the case and I pass the papers immediately to you.  Kind of an Achilles heel for her, I guess.  But what really makes it all so beautiful is that the more you do it, the more she hates you and therefore the more she can’t help reacting.  Guaranteed result every time.”

November 23, 2016 · Tim Kevan · 3 Comments
Posted in: Uncategorized

3 Responses

  1. Sarah - August 10, 2007

    I think UpTights would be up tight no matter who she was up against.

  2. FS - August 12, 2007


  3. Steve - August 17, 2007

    I think you’re getting a little corporate with this “remember to join the Common Law” thing BB.