The glamour of the bar

“I suppose you must have been busy recently,” said my mother yesterday.

“Er, yes,” I replied. “Same as ever, I guess.”

“But what with all the rioting and the like,” she continued, “I imagine it must have been particularly hard. Since you’ll have got the call up, that is.”

“The call up?”

“Oh, I don’t know what you call it but I know what goes on behind the scenes.” She tapped her nose conspiratorially.


“Oh, that’s right. I wouldn’t expect you to let on. Very good, BabyB. The country’s in safe hands with you and your friends pulling the levers.”

“Safe hands? Levers?” By now I was completely lost as to what she was trying to imply. “Mother, I honestly have absolutely no idea what you’re going on about.”

She started to look a little doubtful. “Er, well, maybe I’m wrong. It’s just that I’ve always imagined that now you’re part of the great British establishment you get called up whenever there’s trouble which needs sorting out behind the scenes.”

“What? The temple horn is sounded and we flock from all corners of the kingdom to some sort of special grand wizard’s council for barristers and save the city from ruin?”

She brightened up. “Exactly.”

“Where we get to wield our trusty horse-hair wigs like magic wands and zap all the muggle rioters back into their boxes.”

“You see, I knew it went on.”

“Yes, mother,” I relented. “You’re right.”

If only she knew the true size of the gap between perception and the reality of my small claims track road traffic hearings in the likes of Swindon, Slough and Watford County Courts.

BabyBarista is a fictional account of a junior barrister written by Tim Kevan whose new novel is Law and Peace. For more information and to read past posts visit Cartoons by Alex Williams, author of 101 Ways to Leave the Law.

February 10, 2015 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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