I’m appealing

UpTights was against OldSmoothie today and his pupil reported what happened later in the day. When she turned up, she looked more uneasy than usual.

‘I’ve started a new diet,’ she said somewhat defensively as she approached. ‘Four hundred calories a day all taken as liquid.’

As she got closer the reason for this introduction became clear. ‘Woah, you could strip paint with that breath,’ said OldSmoothie.

‘Yes, er, well,’ said UpTights. ‘I don’t think there’s anything more to discuss.’ With which she turned on her heel.

OldSmoothie then turned to his pupil and said, ‘Go and tell the usher that UpTights has suggested we use the small courtroom given that this is only an interlocutory hearing.’ He smiled smugly and waved over at UpTights.

Well, the first thing you should know about courtrooms is that there’s no air-conditioning. What’s more, the small side rooms tend to be tiny and er, somewhat intimate. So when we were ushered through, UpTights looked distinctly worried and it turned out with good reason.

Once the judge got a whiff the hearing was cut short with a very quick finding against UpTights’ case. As they were all leaving the courtroom, UpTights said somewhat sulkily: ‘Anyway, I’m appealing.’

‘On today of all days,’ came the reply, ‘that statement really couldn’t be further from the truth.’

BabyBarista is a fictional account of a junior barrister practising at the English Bar, written by barrister and writer Tim Kevan. For more information and to read posts from the last few years visit babybarista.com. Cartoons by Alex Williams, author of 101 Ways to Leave the Law.

October 21, 2014 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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