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Virgin on the rude

‘I’ve been examining mini-pupils today,’ said OldSmoothie at chambers tea.

‘Yes, I bet you have,’ said BusyBody sarcastically.

‘In every conceivable way, no doubt,’ said UpTights.

‘Intimately,’ added BusyBody.

‘You know, sometimes I get sick and tired of the two of you lowering the tone of every conversation. Particularly when it concerns the people who carry the future of this great nation on their shoulders. Low-grade petty and potty-mouthed cant if you ask me.’

‘I’d take potty-mouthed cant any day over being a fat, potty-mouthed…’ at which TheVamp interrupted with, ‘…runt, naturally.’

With which OldSmoothie put on his most haughty and pompous look and said,
‘Ladies, listen to yourselves carping away and looking like the three witches in Macbeth. In the words of Aristophanes: “To be insulted by you is to be garlanded with lilies.”‘

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August 24, 2010 · babybarista · No Comments
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

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• Law and Peace

  
• Law and Peace is the second novel in The BabyBarista Files and was published in 2011. It is the sequel to Law and Disorder which was described by broadcaster Jeremy Vine as "a wonderful, racing read - well-drawn, smartly plotted and laugh out loud" and by The Times as "a cross between The Talented Mr Ripley, Rumpole and Bridget Jones’s Diary". The books are based upon this blog which appeared on The Times for three years and now appears on The Guardian and which was described by The Lawyer as "genius". The books are available on amazon. You can also listen to 'Law and Disorder' read by Tim Kevan at www.audible.co.uk.

• THE MAIN CHARACTERS

• PanicStricken

  
  

  A new character who's desperate for a training contract but has just been demoted from minimum wage legal assistant to unpaid intern
• 

• OldSmoothie

  
• Think Peter Bowles in To The Manor Born and Milk Tray Man, but not quite. Once successful barrister now put out to graze as a committee man.
• 
  Follow BabyBarista's adventures with the ICLR

• TheCreep

  
• Jumped up little twerp who sucks up to the big beasts in chambers and struts around as if he's really something when actually he's not.

• SlipperySlope

  
  

  Solicitor skilled in the art of creative billing. Has the airs and graces of a country squire but is more a cross between Arthur Daley and Boycie from 'Only Fools and Horses'.

• Smutton

  
  

  Brassy to UpTights’s classy and yet still, somehow, sexy.

• NurserySlope

  
  

  Solicitor who is SlipperySlope's neice. Skis, rides and looks like a horse.

• JetSet

  
  

  A new solicitor character who's got a training contract and lords it over PanicStricken. She's wealthy, well- connected and spends most weekends either skiing or clubbing abroad.

• ScandalMonger

  
• Ruthless PR guru who has become one of BabyB's secret litigation weapons
• 
  

• BigMouth

  
• Pompous Tory MP stuck on the backbenches like a piece of old chewing gum
• 

• BusyBody

  
• A whirlwind of interference with a good heart and always up for a fight, particularly with OldSmoothie.

• TopFirst

  
• BabyB’s sworn enemy and former fellow pupil

• BabyBarista

  
• A young Flashman meets Rumpole meets Francis Urquart for the 21st century

• OldFatherTime

  
• A whisper on the wind, Highlander-type figure who is older than time itself

• TheVamp

  
• Tenant in chambers and a walking Carry On film of an innuendo

• OldRuin

  
• How a barrister should be. Dumbledore meets Clarence, the angel in Its a Wonderful Life. BabyB’s redemption.

• TheBusker

  
• Barrister of ten years call with the integrity and decency of OldRuin. Very laid back in his approach to both court and life. Admired by BabyB.

• TheBoss

  
• BabyB’s ex-pupilmaster. Unscrupulous, spineless coward.

• HeadClerk

  
• The real power in chambers. All seeing, all knowing.

• PupilFodder

  
• Learner Barrister foisted upon his unsuspecting client who gets shredded in court

• UpTights

  
• BabyB’s pupilmistress for his second six months who was almost called BoTucks for the work she’s had done. Insists on boundaries and personal space. Has ‘issues’.

• JudgeJewellery

  
• Judge with penchant for stealing high street trinkets