BabyBarista

A worm's eye view of the English Bar

• Home
• Privacy Policy

The end of lawyers

Much chat yesterday at chambers tea about a broadcast predicting the end of lawyers. “I hardly think that society will be able to do without us to solve their problems,” commented OldSmoothie.

“Ah, but they say that we’ll all be replaced by computers,” added TheCreep.
“Mightn’t be such a bad thing for some of us,” said BusyBody to UpTights in a stage whisper heard by everyone.
“I heard that, you know,” said TheCreep sulkily.
“But why would you think that was directed at you?” chirped BusyBody, clearly up for mischief as she turned back to UpTights and continued at the same volume: Anyway, I’m sure he’ll find someone to suck up even when all the QCs are gone.”
“You really think you’re so clever, don’t you?” said TheCreep as his cheeks started to flush.
Then TheVamp, sensing trouble, stepped in to shut him up: “Oh, Mr CreepyWeppy. You always look so sweet when your little cutesy wutesy little cheeks blush like that. Don’t you worry that goody goody little head of yours. Of course they’re not going to get rid of lawyers. I mean, you don’t think we complicate everything just for nothing, do you? It’s for the precise reason that if anyone ever tries to get rid of us, there’ll be no-one left to know how to undo the mess we’ve created.”

March 8, 2016 · Tim Kevan · One Comment
Posted in: Uncategorized

• « Previous post
• Next post »

• THE MAIN CHARACTERS

• OldSmoothie

  
• Think Peter Bowles in To The Manor Born and Milk Tray Man, but not quite. Once successful barrister now put out to graze as a committee man.

• TheCreep

  
• Jumped up little twerp who sucks up to the big beasts in chambers and struts around as if he's really something when actually he's not.

• SlipperySlope

  
  

  Solicitor skilled in the art of creative billing. Has the airs and graces of a country squire but is more a cross between Arthur Daley and Boycie from 'Only Fools and Horses'.

• Smutton

  
  

  Brassy to UpTights’s classy and yet still, somehow, sexy.

• NurserySlope

  
  

  Solicitor who is SlipperySlope's neice. Skis, rides and looks like a horse.

• JetSet

  
  

  A new solicitor character who's got a training contract and lords it over PanicStricken. She's wealthy, well- connected and spends most weekends either skiing or clubbing abroad.

• ScandalMonger

  
• Ruthless PR guru who has become one of BabyB's secret litigation weapons

• BigMouth

  
• Pompous Tory MP stuck on the backbenches like a piece of old chewing gum

• BusyBody

  
• A whirlwind of interference with a good heart and always up for a fight, particularly with OldSmoothie.

• TopFirst

  
• BabyB’s sworn enemy and former fellow pupil

• BabyBarista

  
• A young Flashman meets Rumpole meets Francis Urquart for the 21st century

• OldFatherTime

  
• A whisper on the wind, Highlander-type figure who is older than time itself

• TheVamp

  
• Tenant in chambers and a walking Carry On film of an innuendo

• OldRuin

  
• How a barrister should be. Dumbledore meets Clarence, the angel in Its a Wonderful Life. BabyB’s redemption.

• TheBusker

  
• Barrister of ten years call with the integrity and decency of OldRuin. Very laid back in his approach to both court and life. Admired by BabyB.

• TheBoss

  
• BabyB’s ex-pupilmaster. Unscrupulous, spineless coward.

• HeadClerk

  
• The real power in chambers. All seeing, all knowing.

• PupilFodder

  
• Learner Barrister foisted upon his unsuspecting client who gets shredded in court

• UpTights

  
• BabyB’s pupilmistress for his second six months who was almost called BoTucks for the work she’s had done. Insists on boundaries and personal space. Has ‘issues’.

• JudgeJewellery

  
• Judge with penchant for stealing high street trinkets