To be honest

One of the pupils was asked a question at chambers tea on Friday and began his answer with: “To be honest…”
HeadofChambers immediately interrupted him with: “Young man, ‘to be honest’ is what a criminal says in the witness box. What a lawyer should say is ‘to be frank.’”

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November 17, 2015 · Tim Kevan · 3 Comments
Posted in: Uncategorized

3 Responses

Alexandra Paterson-Culverwell - April 25, 2009

Why are tenants so cruel to pupils? I’m surprised the clerks haven’t sent that young man to find a long wait or a glass hammer.
Abigail - April 27, 2009

Let your yea be yea and your nay be nay. Anything further implies you are not honest at other times. The worst such verbal tick I have heard was “I’m not lying to you”- I never thought she was, but the need to emphasise that was pitiable.
Haegr - May 18, 2009

Or, as I was told in my first sales job: Never, ever use the phrase ‘To be honest’. It invariably tells the listener that you are about to be anything but.

THE MAIN CHARACTERS
OldSmoothie
Think Peter Bowles in To The Manor Born and Milk Tray Man, but not quite. Once successful barrister now put out to graze as a committee man.
TheCreep
Jumped up little twerp who sucks up to the big beasts in chambers and struts around as if he's really something when actually he's not.
SlipperySlope

Solicitor skilled in the art of creative billing. Has the airs and graces of a country squire but is more a cross between Arthur Daley and Boycie from 'Only Fools and Horses'.
Smutton

Brassy to UpTights’s classy and yet still, somehow, sexy.
NurserySlope

Solicitor who is SlipperySlope's neice. Skis, rides and looks like a horse.
JetSet

A new solicitor character who's got a training contract and lords it over PanicStricken. She's wealthy, well- connected and spends most weekends either skiing or clubbing abroad.
ScandalMonger
Ruthless PR guru who has become one of BabyB's secret litigation weapons
BigMouth
Pompous Tory MP stuck on the backbenches like a piece of old chewing gum
BusyBody
A whirlwind of interference with a good heart and always up for a fight, particularly with OldSmoothie.
TopFirst
BabyB’s sworn enemy and former fellow pupil
BabyBarista
A young Flashman meets Rumpole meets Francis Urquart for the 21st century
OldFatherTime
A whisper on the wind, Highlander-type figure who is older than time itself
TheVamp
Tenant in chambers and a walking Carry On film of an innuendo
OldRuin
How a barrister should be. Dumbledore meets Clarence, the angel in Its a Wonderful Life. BabyB’s redemption.
TheBusker
Barrister of ten years call with the integrity and decency of OldRuin. Very laid back in his approach to both court and life. Admired by BabyB.
TheBoss
BabyB’s ex-pupilmaster. Unscrupulous, spineless coward.
HeadClerk
The real power in chambers. All seeing, all knowing.
PupilFodder
Learner Barrister foisted upon his unsuspecting client who gets shredded in court
UpTights
BabyB’s pupilmistress for his second six months who was almost called BoTucks for the work she’s had done. Insists on boundaries and personal space. Has ‘issues’.
JudgeJewellery
Judge with penchant for stealing high street trinkets

About this blog
BabyBarista is a fictional account of a junior barrister practising at the English Bar along with other associated characters. The stories he tells led to two novels published by Bloomsbury: Law and Disorder and Law and Peace. BabyBarista is written by Tim Kevan who practised at the Bar for ten years.
Cartoons by Alex Williams
The wonderful cartoons of the BabyBarista characters are by hotshot Hollywood animator Alex Williams who just happened to qualify as a barrister in his youth. He also who draws the Queen’s Counsel cartoons for The Times. For law jokes, law humour and law cartoons, see his website at www.qccartoon.com, where you can also buy books, gifts, original signed cartoon drawings and limited edition prints.
Law and Disorder
Law and Disorder is published by Bloomsbury.
Claire
BabyB’s best friend and a barrister in another chambers. Think Scully from X-Files.
HeadofChambers
Well-meaning, pompous and completely out of touch.
Vexatious
A litigant without a lawyer who the system has turned slightly potty
FanciesHimself
Second junior clerk who had a fling with BusyBody
Worrier
Did pupillage with BabyB and carriers the weight of the world on her shoulders. No detail is too small.
ClicheClanger
Solicitor with a colourful use of the English language and a penchant for quoting from films
ThirdSix
Third six pupil who was thrown into the mix half way through BabyB's pupillage
Publisher

Published by and copyright of Law Brief Publishing Ltd, company number 05966609, registered in the UK. Registered office address: 30 The Parks, Minehead, Somerset, TA24 8BT.