BabyBarista

A worm's eye view of the English Bar

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Archive for March, 2013

Honorable and learned friend

Much discussion today about the fact that the father of Teflon, a junior member of chambers, has just been named a life peer in the new list of political honours. ‘I guess that now makes you honourable,’ said TheCreep. ‘Which leaves the rest of us, what, dishonourable?’ said BusyBody. ‘It’s a bit like the use […]

March 21, 2013 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

Counting the costs

“You really know when things are not going well for a solicitor…” said BusyBody today. “When they stop buying you lunch,” said OldSmoothie. “Worse than that,” said BusyBody. “When they start appealing costs orders,” said TheBusker. “That’s when you start worrying for your own fees,” said TheVamp. “Very close,” said BusyBody, “but worse still. It’s […]

March 19, 2013 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

Judicial revenge

There’s an old circuit judge in one particular county court who is loathed by both OldSmoothie and HeadofChambers in equal measure. Some say it’s because he stole girlfriends off both of them at university. Others that they are jealous of his success both in his practice at the bar and in the way he has […]

March 13, 2013 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

Licence to pry

“I love it when a witness completely fails to come up to proof in the witness box,” said OldSmoothie. “Particularly when it was due entirely to the other side’s solicitor making errors in the typing of the witness statement.” “But don’t you think that’s a little unfair on the witness if it wasn’t their mistake?” […]

March 6, 2013 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

I have been instructed

“Your honour, I have been instructed…” It was TheBusker today in front of a particularly aggressive judge. “Oh come along MrBusker. You have been instructed? We know what that really means, now don’t we?” “Yes, Your Honour, it means that I am about to tell you what my solicitors have instructed me to tell you.” […]

March 5, 2013 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: Article, BabyBarista, Blogposts, Law, The BabyBarista blog Â· Posted in: Uncategorized

• THE MAIN CHARACTERS

• OldSmoothie

  
• Think Peter Bowles in To The Manor Born and Milk Tray Man, but not quite. Once successful barrister now put out to graze as a committee man.

• TheCreep

  
• Jumped up little twerp who sucks up to the big beasts in chambers and struts around as if he's really something when actually he's not.

• SlipperySlope

  
  

  Solicitor skilled in the art of creative billing. Has the airs and graces of a country squire but is more a cross between Arthur Daley and Boycie from 'Only Fools and Horses'.

• Smutton

  
  

  Brassy to UpTights’s classy and yet still, somehow, sexy.

• NurserySlope

  
  

  Solicitor who is SlipperySlope's neice. Skis, rides and looks like a horse.

• JetSet

  
  

  A new solicitor character who's got a training contract and lords it over PanicStricken. She's wealthy, well- connected and spends most weekends either skiing or clubbing abroad.

• ScandalMonger

  
• Ruthless PR guru who has become one of BabyB's secret litigation weapons

• BigMouth

  
• Pompous Tory MP stuck on the backbenches like a piece of old chewing gum

• BusyBody

  
• A whirlwind of interference with a good heart and always up for a fight, particularly with OldSmoothie.

• TopFirst

  
• BabyB’s sworn enemy and former fellow pupil

• BabyBarista

  
• A young Flashman meets Rumpole meets Francis Urquart for the 21st century

• OldFatherTime

  
• A whisper on the wind, Highlander-type figure who is older than time itself

• TheVamp

  
• Tenant in chambers and a walking Carry On film of an innuendo

• OldRuin

  
• How a barrister should be. Dumbledore meets Clarence, the angel in Its a Wonderful Life. BabyB’s redemption.

• TheBusker

  
• Barrister of ten years call with the integrity and decency of OldRuin. Very laid back in his approach to both court and life. Admired by BabyB.

• TheBoss

  
• BabyB’s ex-pupilmaster. Unscrupulous, spineless coward.

• HeadClerk

  
• The real power in chambers. All seeing, all knowing.

• PupilFodder

  
• Learner Barrister foisted upon his unsuspecting client who gets shredded in court

• UpTights

  
• BabyB’s pupilmistress for his second six months who was almost called BoTucks for the work she’s had done. Insists on boundaries and personal space. Has ‘issues’.

• JudgeJewellery

  
• Judge with penchant for stealing high street trinkets