Competitive strain injury

“I hate this profession,” said UpTights today. “I hate the hours, I hate the tedious work, I hate the travel, I hate that solicitors never pay us, I hate that we never get any control over our diaries, I hate the insecurity, I hate the back-biting and competition…”

“Oh, here we go again,” said OldSmoothie. “Must be that time of year when UpTights gets her silk application rejected for the umpteenth time.”

“…and above all, I hate the people,” said UpTights.

“Apparently someone sent out a press release mistakenly announcing that she’d made it this year and now her pigeonhole’s full of notes of congratulations from solicitors,” said TheVamp.

“There’s no apparently about it and I know exactly who sent it as well,” said UpTights, staring at OldSmoothie.

“What? Are you thinking of suing me for, er, making the mistake of accusing you of being a better lawyer than you really are?”

“You think you’re so funny when in fact you’re a smug, self-satisfied, self-deluded big fat failure of a barrister yourself.”

“Ah, but a big fat failure with the letters QC after my name,” he replied. “Makes all the difference, you know.”

“It does seem ridiculous when UpTights makes twice as much money as OldSmoothie,” said TheVamp.

“Quality over quantity, my dear,” said Old Smoothie.

“Completely anti-competitive in my view,” said BusyBody.

“My favourite sort of system,” said OldSmoothie.

“Even though taking silk reduced your earnings,” said TheVamp.

“What’s that saying? A hog in a silk waistcoat is still a hog,” said BusyBody.

“Or a silk gown in his case,” said TheVamp.

“Anyway, I’m sick and tired of the whole thing and am seriously considering chucking it all in,” said UpTights.

“Yeh, right,” said OldSmoothie. “Because you’ve got so many other options. What were you thinking? In-house counsel for your plastic surgeon?”

“Actually, my life coach has offered to train me to be a life-coach,” said UpTights. “He thinks I’m a good people person and that I could share that with the whole world.”

That certainly stopped OldSmoothie in his tracks, and he just stared at her in disbelief.

“Clearly a very perceptive man,” smiled TheBusker.

BabyBarista is a fictional account of a junior barrister written by Tim Kevan whose new novel is Law and Peace. For more information and to read past posts visit Cartoons by Alex Williams, author of 101 Ways to Leave the Law.

January 16, 2013 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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