BabyBarista

A worm's eye view of the English Bar

• Home
• Privacy Policy

Year 2, week 17: frightening thought

BusyBody was in chambers today showing off her baby boy who is now two months old. Still no news on which of the two suspects is the father and no indication that she intends to find out either. Despite the fact that she clearly loves her little boy, I don’t think she’s been handling being off work these last few months. “I’ve been taking advocacy lessons BabyB so that I don’t lose my touch whilst I’m away. It’s great, you’ve got to try it. He’s been teaching me to be more assertive.”

Hmm, that’s like teaching Hannibal Lecter to cook. But it kind of reassured me that if he can make money out of that then really you can make money out of anything, even blagging being a half decent advocate. BusyBody then asserted herself further: “Yes, it’s definitely working BabyB. You’ve got to stand up to the judge. Tell him what you think. You know, they can smell weakness BabyB so you’ve got to be in there and answering back before they get a chance to pin you down. Try it in your next case and see how it goes.”

Not that I’ve been submissive so far, but maybe I will try upping the ante. Just to see.

January 23, 2008 · Tim Kevan · One Comment
Posted in: Uncategorized

• « Previous post
• Next post »

• THE MAIN CHARACTERS

• OldSmoothie

  
• Think Peter Bowles in To The Manor Born and Milk Tray Man, but not quite. Once successful barrister now put out to graze as a committee man.

• TheCreep

  
• Jumped up little twerp who sucks up to the big beasts in chambers and struts around as if he's really something when actually he's not.

• SlipperySlope

  
  

  Solicitor skilled in the art of creative billing. Has the airs and graces of a country squire but is more a cross between Arthur Daley and Boycie from 'Only Fools and Horses'.

• Smutton

  
  

  Brassy to UpTights’s classy and yet still, somehow, sexy.

• NurserySlope

  
  

  Solicitor who is SlipperySlope's neice. Skis, rides and looks like a horse.

• JetSet

  
  

  A new solicitor character who's got a training contract and lords it over PanicStricken. She's wealthy, well- connected and spends most weekends either skiing or clubbing abroad.

• ScandalMonger

  
• Ruthless PR guru who has become one of BabyB's secret litigation weapons

• BigMouth

  
• Pompous Tory MP stuck on the backbenches like a piece of old chewing gum

• BusyBody

  
• A whirlwind of interference with a good heart and always up for a fight, particularly with OldSmoothie.

• TopFirst

  
• BabyB’s sworn enemy and former fellow pupil

• BabyBarista

  
• A young Flashman meets Rumpole meets Francis Urquart for the 21st century

• OldFatherTime

  
• A whisper on the wind, Highlander-type figure who is older than time itself

• TheVamp

  
• Tenant in chambers and a walking Carry On film of an innuendo

• OldRuin

  
• How a barrister should be. Dumbledore meets Clarence, the angel in Its a Wonderful Life. BabyB’s redemption.

• TheBusker

  
• Barrister of ten years call with the integrity and decency of OldRuin. Very laid back in his approach to both court and life. Admired by BabyB.

• TheBoss

  
• BabyB’s ex-pupilmaster. Unscrupulous, spineless coward.

• HeadClerk

  
• The real power in chambers. All seeing, all knowing.

• PupilFodder

  
• Learner Barrister foisted upon his unsuspecting client who gets shredded in court

• UpTights

  
• BabyB’s pupilmistress for his second six months who was almost called BoTucks for the work she’s had done. Insists on boundaries and personal space. Has ‘issues’.

• JudgeJewellery

  
• Judge with penchant for stealing high street trinkets