Year 2, week 16: BadTiming

It couldn’t have been worse timing. Last night I was having a quiet drink with Claire, still recovering from the late night before out with TheVamp. Claire, it has to be said, wasn’t being terribly sympathetic and then just as she was starting to get a little short with me, TheVamp passed by with her usual impeccably bad timing.
"BabyB.  How lovely to see you. Oh, and with your little pupillage friend.  What’s her name?" She hadn’t actually looked at Claire yet.
"You know her name. It’s Claire."
"Oh, that’s right. ‘JustGoodFriendsClaire.’’ Finally she turned to her and added, ‘How sweet."

Not that Claire was going to take it lying down, so to speak.
"Still dragging members of chambers back to your little coven I hear?"
"Ooh. She’s terribly big for her little pupil boots, our Claire, isn’t she?"
"Maybe it’s just your own version of the cab rank rule. Wouldn’t be right to turn down passing trade, would it?  Except you don’t drop your wig for every guy in town now, do you? Only, what? Fellow members of chambers and solicitors with big fat juicy briefs to give you?"
"Oh, perrrleeeease. Says who? Sanctimonious little MissPrissy over here? Hardly. Next you’ll be telling me that you’re intentions are wholly platonic."

Then Claire was at her from another angle,
"I see you’ve been on the sun bed again. Did you get bonus hours or something? Looks great.’ A dramatic pause and then the right hook, ‘If you’re into buffalo hide."

Went on for about twenty minutes and all I can say is that from the off I wasn’t just a little out of my depth. I was well and truly in the deep end and floundering. Silence wasn’t a choice. It simply happened as I watched the whole gruesome nightmare unfold.  I have to say though that despite TheVamp’s reputation for the killer put downs, it was Claire who won this particular showdown, albeit on points.  Eventually TheVamp started to feel the strain of fighting away from home and sidled off with a parting crack,
"I’ve heard about going out with protection BabyB." She looked at Claire. "But I do wonder whether you’ve perhaps gone a little too far with bringing her.’ Anyway, I look forward to seeing you next week for more study time.  Without her around we always work so well together, wouldn’t you agree?"

She was back to flirtation mode and sidled off to see her next victim.

January 18, 2008 · Tim Kevan · 2 Comments
Posted in: Uncategorized

2 Responses

  1. Abigail - January 22, 2008

    Ha! Catfights!
    I find your writing good enough as a rule, but for this type of dialogue I suggest a crash course on Jackie Collins and Barbara Taylor Bradford.
    How does this post affect the rumours that the author is a woman?

  2. Gary - January 22, 2008

    No, I don’t think BabyB is a woman.
    I’m pretty sure this is all describing a set of Chambers in King’s Bench Walk, and if that’s right, I know exactly who BabyB (and most of the other ‘fictional’ characters) are!!!!