Year 2, week 18: Oh

Now don’t get me wrong. I’ve got nothing against solicitors. Well, not unless you count greed, laziness, incompetence and late paying. But I certainly don’t have any problem with them having an equal right as barristers to appear in court. But today, just when you thought that wigs were finally on their way out, I was against a solicitor who turned up proudly wearing a little horse hair number. “What chambers are you from?” I asked.
“I’m not from any chambers.” He looked at me proudly and then pronounced, “I’m a solicitor,” in the same tone that they say “I’m a laydeee” on Little Britain.
I must have looked a little quizzical because he then followed up with: “If you’re wondering why I’m wearing a wig, there’s a new practice direction says I can.” He brandished it at me somewhat defensively.

Then we were off into court where it started off again and even before the judge had a chance to ask.
“Your Honour,” he said, wrongly addressing the district judge. “I am a solicitor of the supreme court of England and Wales and am proud today to be wearing a wig.”
The judge stared down at the solicitor and answered only with, “Oh.”
“Yes, Your Honour, and if anyone wants to question my right so to do, I have here a copy of the recent Practice Direction on Court Dress which addresses this exact issue.”
Again, “Oh.” The judge shifted somewhat awkwardly and looked over to me. I shrugged back, not wanting to be the one to say it. The judge sighed and said: “Personally I don’t mind what you wear in your own time. However, haven’t you wondered why neither I nor your opponent are wearing wigs today?”
The solicitor looked around and then looked completely lost.
“No-one robes in small claims I’m afraid.”

To which the solicitor could only reply with, “Oh.”

January 28, 2008 · Tim Kevan · 9 Comments
Posted in: Uncategorized

9 Responses

  1. Edward - January 28, 2008

    oh thats so sad! Poor little tyke! God you can just imagin how small and foolish you’d feel.

  2. VEE - January 28, 2008

    teehee what a twit

  3. Fink Floyd - January 28, 2008

    Are you serious? Solicitors get to wear wigs now?
    This will not stand. It’s bad enough that they get to pretend to be barristers in court, without starting to dress like them too.
    Is it a real practice direction, or a made-up one?

  4. John Bolch - January 28, 2008

    Brilliant, BabyB. I may be a greedy, lazy, incompetent and late paying solicitor, but I still love it.

  5. Baroness Suzie QC - January 28, 2008

    Bloody brilliant! I laughed out loud! I’m still a bit peeved that solicitors can wear wigs though… x

  6. BonarLaw - January 28, 2008

    late paying? try non-paying! the buggers can have my wig if that’s what it takes to get my fees out of them.

  7. A solicitor - January 30, 2008

    I have been wearing a wig in court for years, just as I wear one most of the time outside it. I have alopecia. What is the fuss about?

  8. Bar'd Caffeine Adict - January 31, 2008

    He probably bought it very cheaply from some poor ex-Barrister forced to get an alternative (paying) job anyway…

  9. Another Solicitor - February 12, 2008

    V funny BabyB, but your work does actually come via the likes of us lazy, greedy, incompetent solicitors!! Nice to know that appreciation within the profession is mutual!