The new iPratt

OldSmoothie spent the whole weekend emailing people from his shiny new iPad hoping that they’d notice that it says ‘Sent from my iPad’. Unfortunately for him, what he hasn’t yet realised is that BusyBody got hold of it on Friday morning when he ostentatiously and wholly ‘by accident’ left it lying around in the clerks room with his name on it. She was straight on the phone to an expert witness she knows who is a bit of a technical geek and it wasn’t long before she’d changed the settings. Thing is, OldSmoothie’s now sent so many emails that no-one’s got the heart to tell him that at the foot of every email he sends it says ‘Sent from my big fat barrister’s bottom’.

Which meant that this morning it was the main topic of conversation as OldSmoothie arrived into the clerks room with it displayed prominently under his arm. “I see you’re putting the schwing into Spring, OldSmoothie,” said TheVamp.
Not getting it at all, he looked even more pleased with himself. BusyBody followed up with: “You managed to find the app for pulling women yet?”
“Jealousy, my dear, will get you nowhere,” he answered.
Then UpTights stepped up to the mark with: “Kind of an expensive gadget to be watching your, er, private movies on, wouldn’t you say?”

But OldSmoothie was still in the post-coital glow of his iPad delivery and all insults just bounced off his smug, technological Ready Brek-type halo. “I wouldn’t expect old school lawyers like you to understand UpTights but I think you’ll find that it’s the sort of practice tool that every self-respecting lawyer worth his salt will be carrying round very soon. Mark my words.”
“Ah, work,” said TheBusker with a smile. “That’ll mean that you’re intending to put it against tax and claim back the VAT then?”
“Of course,” said OldSmoothie still unruffled.
“Since it’s exclusively for business use?” said TheVamp seeing where TheBusker was going.
“Naturally,” came the reply.
“I mean, it’s notoriously brilliant for touch typing, dealing with legal documents…” she paused what was about to become a litany of sarcasm and added, “But hey, can you even name me a single legal app?”

Everyone stared at OldSmoothie and for a millisecond he had that rabbit in the headlights look that witnesses so often exhibit before reverting to type and saying: “Really, if you have to ask, then it’s just not worth explaining.”
Then UpTights came in with the killer blow. “So you wouldn’t object to the taxman examining your user history and seeing quite how much of your time you’d spent doing, er,” she paused for theatrical effect, “…work, then?”

He was stumped and grabbed his precious device a little more tightly before leaving the room.

June 1, 2010 ¡ Tim Kevan ¡ 5 Comments
Tags: ,  Âˇ Posted in: Uncategorized

5 Responses

  1. Attila - June 1, 2010

    Excellent, as always.

    My one concern: if it’s anything like the iPod touch/iPhone (and I suspect it is), it takes no hacking to change the tagline at the bottom: it’s one of the main Mail settings.

    Thanks, by the way, for getting yourself outside the Times firewall.

    – A

  2. Cicero - June 1, 2010

    You made us wait 4 days…4 days for the post (since the move). BTW did u get the (i)Pad then?

  3. babybarista - June 1, 2010

    Thanks Attila and Cicero. Don’t have an iPad myself and so I’m loving to hate it which if I’m honest is probably at least a little due to iPad envy!

  4. Emily - June 2, 2010

    Excellent, as always.

    My one concern: if it’s anything like the iPod touch/iPhone (and I suspect it is), it takes no hacking to change the tagline at the bottom: it’s one of the main Mail settings.

    Thanks, by the way, for getting yourself outside the Times firewall.

    – A

  5. Amy - June 5, 2010

    Excellent, as always.

    My one concern: if it’s anything like the iPod touch/iPhone (and I suspect it is), it takes no hacking to change the tagline at the bottom: it’s one of the main Mail settings.

    Thanks, by the way, for getting yourself outside the Times firewall.

    – A