Divorce central!

BabyB LPlate improvedWhoever said lawyers were vultures? Well, without mentioning their name, I have just had forwarded to me an internal memo which has been circulated around a well-known firm of family lawyers saying the following: “Gear up for Monday! It’s time once again to turn those post-Christmas new year blues into little rays of financial sunshine :-)”  I kid you not. Right down to the fake little smile. Then after a load of motivational chat about how the credit crunch was already helping business, it ended with: “Oh, and don’t forget, please remember that with the inevitable increase in activity during January, your fee-income target is (as always) 20% higher this month.” I wouldn’t be surprised if they also gave an award for the most number of acrimonious disputes brought through the door. Lawyers, huh? You gotta love ’em.

January 2, 2016 · Tim Kevan · 2 Comments
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Book recommendation: Sweet Caress: The Many Lives of Amory Clay by William Boyd

Amory’s first memory is of her father doing a handstand. She has memories of him returning on leave during the First World War. But his absences, both actual and emotional, are what she chiefly remembers. It is her photographer uncle Greville who supplies the emotional bond she needs, and, when he gives her a camera and some rudimentary lessons in photography, unleashes a passion that will irrevocably shape her future. A spell at boarding school ends abruptly and Amory begins an apprenticeship with Greville in London, living in his flat in Kensington, earning two pounds a week photographing socialites for fashionable magazines. But Amory is hungry for more and her search for life, love and artistic expression will take her to the demi monde of Berlin of the late 1920s, to New York of the 1930s, to the Blackshirt riots in London and to France in the Second World War where she becomes one of the first women war photographers. Her desire for experience will lead Amory to further wars, to lovers, husbands and children as she continues to pursue her dreams and battle her demons. In this enthralling story of a life fully lived, William Boyd has created a sweeping panorama of some of the most defining moments of modern history, told through the camera lens of one unforgettable woman, Amory Clay. It is his greatest achievement to date.

Available from Amazon.

December 30, 2015 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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Therapy

OldSmoothie was boasting last night to just a couple of us in the clerks room about his latest sexual conquest. Apparently she was not only his opponent last week but is also twenty years younger than him. UpTights walked in on the conversation and said: “You really are a sad, lonely and dirty old man. What is it they say? Only two things are certain in life: death and a certain fat old barrister who’d get up on a crack on a plate.”
“That’s a bit rich coming from someone who’s been cocked more times than Davy Crocket’s musket.”

This seemed to hit home as her face turned into a boiled fist and she started shaking with what I can only assume was pent up rage at the pompous silver fox who was looking particularly irritating and smug today. But has completely lost it and was unable to speak and so just stood there stamping her foot and shaking some more. Then OldSmoothie took on a nasty look and bent down towards her and whispered: “I had a dream the other night UpTights. I saw a young girl building a gilded scaffold. Somewhere she could climb up and hide from the world behind her empty smile. I saw her clambering ever higher, her bony fingers stretched to the sun. Then I saw the noose tightening around her neck and heard her solitary scream as she jumped from the same scaffold she had erected to help her survive.”

UpTights had stopped shaking and was silent. Then she started crying uncontrollably. OldSmoothie looked at her and as if it was the most natural thing in the world took her in his arms and hugged her. UpTights by this point had turned catatonic and OldSmoothie pushed her away slightly, held her by the shoulders and looked her in the eyes. He then smiled almost flirtatiously and said: “You know, I could charge good money for therapy like that.”

With which he was gone.

December 29, 2015 · Tim Kevan · No Comments
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Monday morning with Alex Williams’ cartoons

qccartoon
This cartoon is by Alex Williams who draws the Queen’s Counsel cartoons for The Times and in numerous books including The Queen’s Counsel Lawyer’s Omnibus. He offers almost all of his cartoons for sale at £120 for originals and £40 for copies and they can be obtained from this email info@qccartoon.com.

December 28, 2015 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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Weekend video: Philip Howard: Four ways to fix a broken legal system

December 26, 2015 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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Book recommendation: The Law’s Strangest Cases: Extraordinary But True Incidents from Over Five Centuries of Legal History (Strangest Series) by Peter Seddon

Author Peter Seddon gives life to over five centuries of bizarre, macabre and sometimes hilarious criminal cases. You’ll be gripped by tales of murder, intrigue, crime, punishment and the pursuit of justice. Despite how unbelievable the stories banged up inside these pages may seem, Law’s Strangest Cases promises to tell the truth, the whole truthand nothing but the truth about the most ludicrous criminal cases in legal history. Full of riotous and entertaining stories, this book is perfect for anyone who is doing time on a long stretch. Just don’t try to steal it, or you may end up inside! Inside you’ll encounter: * The only dead parrot ever to give evidence in a court of law * One of the most indigestible dilemmas – if you’d been shipwrecked 2,000 miles from home, would you have eaten Parker the cabin boy? * The doctor with the worst bedside manner of all time * The murderess who collected money from her mummified victim for 21 years.

Available from Amazon.

December 23, 2015 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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Killing time

“You’re always rushing around, BabyB. Chopping up your life into hours, minutes, seconds. It’s what you lawyers are about. But if you’re not careful BabyB, you’ll turn into one of them and your whole life will be lost onto some dusty, meaningless timesheet.”

It was my mother and I didn’t argue because she was right. “Take the time to stand and stare. Look out your window at the cherry blossom in April or watch the girls go by in the Summer. I don”t care what it is but just take a little bit of pleasure in being rather than doing.” She looked at me softly and added: “I do worry for you, BabyB.”

December 22, 2015 · Tim Kevan · No Comments
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Monday morning with Alex Williams’ cartoons

qccartoon
This cartoon is by Alex Williams who draws the Queen’s Counsel cartoons for The Times and in numerous books including The Queen’s Counsel Lawyer’s Omnibus. He offers almost all of his cartoons for sale at £120 for originals and £40 for copies and they can be obtained from this email info@qccartoon.com.

December 21, 2015 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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Weekend video: Writers on Writing: Lee Child on Starting Writing After 40

December 19, 2015 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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Book recommendation: Dictator by Robert Harris

There was a time when Cicero held Caesar’s life in the palm of his hand. But now Caesar is the dominant figure and Cicero’s life is in ruins. Exiled, separated from his wife and children, his possessions confiscated, his life constantly in danger, Cicero is tormented by the knowledge that he has sacrificed power for the sake of his principles. His comeback requires wit, skill and courage – and for a brief and glorious period, the legendary orator is once more the supreme senator in Rome. But politics is never static and no statesman, however cunning, can safeguard against the ambition and corruption of others. Riveting and tumultuous, DICTATOR encompasses some of the most epic events in human history yet is also an intimate portrait of a brilliant, flawed, frequently fearful yet ultimately brave man – a hero for his time and for ours. This is an unforgettable tour de force from a master storyteller.

Available from Amazon.

December 16, 2015 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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