BabyBarista

A worm's eye view of the English Bar

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Archive for June, 2016

Load of pony

Yesterday I received an informal consultation form on barristers’ wigs. One minute we hear that they are about to be banned, the next not. What we never hear about is the number of little ponies which have to be killed in the making of each horse-hair wig.  Maybe we should get the animal rights brigade involved? Anyway, […]

June 21, 2016 · Tim Kevan · 7 Comments
Posted in: Uncategorized

SnakeEyes

Went off to court with TheBusker today.  With him, it’s not always what he says but more the tone and sincerity with which it is said.  The Judge had clearly started against him and seemed in a particularly bad mood. TheBusker’s response?  To smile at the judge and gently lift his spirits.  It was almost […]

June 14, 2016 · Tim Kevan · One Comment
Posted in: Uncategorized

ClicheClanger

My solicitor today was ClicheClanger who has spent so many years working in a job he despises that the thought bubbles which plague us all from time to time have slowly transformed themselves into unconscious speech bubbles.  Stuff he still thinks is being kept under wraps keeps slipping out like a gentle version of tourrette’s.  Kind of just […]

June 7, 2016 · Tim Kevan · 3 Comments
Posted in: Uncategorized

• THE MAIN CHARACTERS

• OldSmoothie

  
• Think Peter Bowles in To The Manor Born and Milk Tray Man, but not quite. Once successful barrister now put out to graze as a committee man.

• TheCreep

  
• Jumped up little twerp who sucks up to the big beasts in chambers and struts around as if he's really something when actually he's not.

• SlipperySlope

  
  

  Solicitor skilled in the art of creative billing. Has the airs and graces of a country squire but is more a cross between Arthur Daley and Boycie from 'Only Fools and Horses'.

• Smutton

  
  

  Brassy to UpTights’s classy and yet still, somehow, sexy.

• NurserySlope

  
  

  Solicitor who is SlipperySlope's neice. Skis, rides and looks like a horse.

• JetSet

  
  

  A new solicitor character who's got a training contract and lords it over PanicStricken. She's wealthy, well- connected and spends most weekends either skiing or clubbing abroad.

• ScandalMonger

  
• Ruthless PR guru who has become one of BabyB's secret litigation weapons

• BigMouth

  
• Pompous Tory MP stuck on the backbenches like a piece of old chewing gum

• BusyBody

  
• A whirlwind of interference with a good heart and always up for a fight, particularly with OldSmoothie.

• TopFirst

  
• BabyB’s sworn enemy and former fellow pupil

• BabyBarista

  
• A young Flashman meets Rumpole meets Francis Urquart for the 21st century

• OldFatherTime

  
• A whisper on the wind, Highlander-type figure who is older than time itself

• TheVamp

  
• Tenant in chambers and a walking Carry On film of an innuendo

• OldRuin

  
• How a barrister should be. Dumbledore meets Clarence, the angel in Its a Wonderful Life. BabyB’s redemption.

• TheBusker

  
• Barrister of ten years call with the integrity and decency of OldRuin. Very laid back in his approach to both court and life. Admired by BabyB.

• TheBoss

  
• BabyB’s ex-pupilmaster. Unscrupulous, spineless coward.

• HeadClerk

  
• The real power in chambers. All seeing, all knowing.

• PupilFodder

  
• Learner Barrister foisted upon his unsuspecting client who gets shredded in court

• UpTights

  
• BabyB’s pupilmistress for his second six months who was almost called BoTucks for the work she’s had done. Insists on boundaries and personal space. Has ‘issues’.

• JudgeJewellery

  
• Judge with penchant for stealing high street trinkets