BabyBarista

A worm's eye view of the English Bar

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Archive for April, 2016

GolfDay

Yesterday was GolfDay.  Nothing else to call it.  Despite the conditions, one of the big clubs (which I won’t name for fear of giving away the identity of the people in this story) was holding a competition.  First I overheard my opponent on the train on the way to court on the telephone to one […]

April 26, 2016 · Tim Kevan · 2 Comments
Posted in: Uncategorized

Manners

“How’s Claire, BabyB?” It was OldRuin back in chambers again. “I’ve always had a soft spot for her, you know. Very fond of you she is, I’d say.” “She’s very well, OldRuin. Building up a pretty successful practise as well.” ‘”Yes, I’ve no doubt about that. You know what stands out about her?” “What’s that?” […]

April 19, 2016 · Tim Kevan · 3 Comments
Posted in: Uncategorized

Bless

Went off to court today to be faced with someone who was very clearly a second six pupil on their first day in court. The biggest giveaway was the fact that despite it being a small claims track case the pupil turned up with both volumes of the White Book guide to civil procedure despite […]

April 12, 2016 · Tim Kevan · 6 Comments
Posted in: Uncategorized

Treadmills

You’d think with all the money they all earn and the self-important strutting which goes on, that members of chambers would all be blissfully happy. But sadly very often that couldn’t be further from the truth. Today it was OldSmoothie voicing his woes: “You know, BabyB, sometimes I wonder what on earth it’s all about.  […]

April 5, 2016 · Tim Kevan · 2 Comments
Posted in: Uncategorized

Pupil fodder

It’s now several years since I did my first case in court and as I sized up my opponent this morning, I considered how appropriate it was that April Fool’s Day should be the date set for the official release of the pupils into the wild. April, the cruellest month delivering this one fresh from his pupilmaster’s […]

April 1, 2016 · Tim Kevan · One Comment
Posted in: Uncategorized

• THE MAIN CHARACTERS

• OldSmoothie

  
• Think Peter Bowles in To The Manor Born and Milk Tray Man, but not quite. Once successful barrister now put out to graze as a committee man.

• TheCreep

  
• Jumped up little twerp who sucks up to the big beasts in chambers and struts around as if he's really something when actually he's not.

• SlipperySlope

  
  

  Solicitor skilled in the art of creative billing. Has the airs and graces of a country squire but is more a cross between Arthur Daley and Boycie from 'Only Fools and Horses'.

• Smutton

  
  

  Brassy to UpTights’s classy and yet still, somehow, sexy.

• NurserySlope

  
  

  Solicitor who is SlipperySlope's neice. Skis, rides and looks like a horse.

• JetSet

  
  

  A new solicitor character who's got a training contract and lords it over PanicStricken. She's wealthy, well- connected and spends most weekends either skiing or clubbing abroad.

• ScandalMonger

  
• Ruthless PR guru who has become one of BabyB's secret litigation weapons

• BigMouth

  
• Pompous Tory MP stuck on the backbenches like a piece of old chewing gum

• BusyBody

  
• A whirlwind of interference with a good heart and always up for a fight, particularly with OldSmoothie.

• TopFirst

  
• BabyB’s sworn enemy and former fellow pupil

• BabyBarista

  
• A young Flashman meets Rumpole meets Francis Urquart for the 21st century

• OldFatherTime

  
• A whisper on the wind, Highlander-type figure who is older than time itself

• TheVamp

  
• Tenant in chambers and a walking Carry On film of an innuendo

• OldRuin

  
• How a barrister should be. Dumbledore meets Clarence, the angel in Its a Wonderful Life. BabyB’s redemption.

• TheBusker

  
• Barrister of ten years call with the integrity and decency of OldRuin. Very laid back in his approach to both court and life. Admired by BabyB.

• TheBoss

  
• BabyB’s ex-pupilmaster. Unscrupulous, spineless coward.

• HeadClerk

  
• The real power in chambers. All seeing, all knowing.

• PupilFodder

  
• Learner Barrister foisted upon his unsuspecting client who gets shredded in court

• UpTights

  
• BabyB’s pupilmistress for his second six months who was almost called BoTucks for the work she’s had done. Insists on boundaries and personal space. Has ‘issues’.

• JudgeJewellery

  
• Judge with penchant for stealing high street trinkets