Judge not lest ye be judged

“Have you heard that UpTights, OldSmoothie and HeadofChambers have all applied to be judges?” said TheCreep.

“Why on earth would anyone want to be a judge?” said BusyBody. “I can’t think of anything worse than having to sit around listening to barristers self-indulgently wittering on all day.”

“Not forgetting the nervous meanderings of witnesses,” said Teflon.

“And then there’s the laborious litigants-in-person with their fifty-page long arguments and reams of irrelevant evidence,” said TheCreep.

“Which is a little rich coming from a barrister who sometimes resembles a litigant-in-person,” said TheVamp.

“So why on earth do they want to do it?” asked BusyBody.

“Pensions, of course,” said OldSmoothie. “What little pension I had left after two divorces has now been destroyed in the financial crisis and I hardly think things are going to improve. I mean, it’s not as if there are even any quangos left to sit out one’s days in some degree of comfort.”

“Shame,” said HeadofChambers, “and gone are the days of safe parliamentary seats being kept warm for an old experienced barrister, as well.”

“But a few years on the Bench and I’ll have a nice little gold-plated pension for the rest of my days.”

“But aren’t the government cutting pensions in the public sector?”

“For teachers, maybe,” said OldSmoothie. “But I hardly think they’re going to do the same for judges. I mean…”

“What?” said BusyBody. “It would undermine the independence of the judiciary?”


“That justice cannot be done unless judges can sleep soundly in the firm knowledge that they’ll be considerably richer than anyone else come retirement?”

“Well, quite.”

“And it’s upon such sacrifices and shows of public spirit that the great British Empire laid its foundations.”

“I really couldn’t have put it better myself,” said OldSmoothie looking smugger than ever.

BabyBarista is a fictional account of a junior barrister written by Tim Kevan whose new novel is Law and Peace. For more information and to read past posts visit babybarista.com. Cartoons by Alex Williams, author of 101 Ways to Leave the Law.

May 13, 2014 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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