Sponsored post: Drug testing for barristers and judges?

“I was against an opponent the other morning that I was sure was high on something,” said BusyBody.
“Maybe they were recovering from a big night out,” said TheVamp.
“But that’s terrible,” said BusyBody. “I mean, if it’s illegal to drive if you’re still drunk the next morning, it surely can’t be right for barristers to be defending clients when they’re not with it.”
“Never mind the fact that if it was drugs they’d also have been breaking the law,” said UpTights.
“Perhaps we should have random drug testing at court?” said BusyBody.
“I agree,” said TheCreep, “and I see Cellmark who I always recommend for DNA tests are now offering that service.”
“Why stop there?” said UpTights. “Let’s also stick it to the judges whilst we’re at it.”
OldSmoothie coughed. “Er, I think you might find that such a suggestion might not go down terribly well with, er, at least one or two of Her Majesty’s learned judiciary.”
“I’ve always known that the phrase ‘sober as a judge’ sets the bar rather high,” said TheCreep. “But drugs? Judges, really?”
“Whoever knows,” said OldSmoothie.
“Perhaps we need to test pupils applying to chambers,” said TheCreep. “You know, like sports men and women.”
“What? On the basis that drugs are somehow performance enhancing?” said Teflon.
“Whilst we’re at it maybe we should get Cellmark to test random hair samples of members of chambers, even on their non-court days” said OldSmoothie brightly.
“But what if someone tested positive and then word got out?” said UpTights.
There was silence.
“Er…” HeadofChambers paused, “…I think perhaps any such proposal might be treated as strictly a matter of hair today, gone tomorrow.”

January 1, 2013 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Posted in: Uncategorized