Poem for the day: London Olympics Press Release by James Woolf


London Olympics Press Release by James Woolf

The London Olympics endeavours
To be diverse and inclusive, however
To achieve this we’re making some changes
(Some minimal programme exchanges)

All poolside events will be dropped
In case those who can’t swim throw a strop
We’ll use the space as a place to relax
With soft drinks and delicious light snacks

There’ll be something for all, we maintain
And lest our weight-watching patrons complain
We’ve agreed to lose Synchronised Swimming
And replace it with Synchronised Slimming

And then Throwing the Hammer must go
A complete waste of time as you know
But instead for the very bad mooded
We reveal Throwing a Tantrum’s included

Note – the Ten Thousand Metres is out
It excluded all those who are stout
But there’ll be fun for phenomenal eaters
So line up for the Ten Thousand Pizzas

Our market research indicated
That generally sport’s overrated
And that we’d rather not see florid faces
So we’re axing the rest of the races

We’ve conducted our impact assessments
With the result we’ll provide more refreshments
And our lawyers have sent confirmation
That with luck we’ll avoid litigation

So no injuries, no broken bones
Just time spent with your families and phones
A triumph without legal claims
We present the Olympics without any games!

James Woolf is a British playwright and screenwriter

July 6, 2012 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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