Car crash TV
Chambers were today discussing the news that TV cameras are going to be allowed into court.
“It’s so unfair that it’s only going to be for criminal trials,” said TheCreep.
“Maybe that’s because they’re a lot more interesting than your small claims track road traffic cases,” said TheVamp.
“I’ll have you know I did a multi-track case the other day,” he said, straightening his back as he rose to the bait.
“Well I’ve decided to apply to all the broadcasters to be their live commentator,” said OldSmoothie.
“Er, don’t you think it’ll all be a bit slow for live commentary?” said TheBusker.
“On the contrary,” said OldSmoothie. “crown court trials could become the new spectator sport like cricket.”
“What, and you’ll be the Henry Blofeld or Jonathan Agnew on Test Match Special?”
“More like one of Mitchell and Webbs’ drunken snooker commentators if you ask me,” said BusyBody.
“Well, I’d like to think I could create an atmosphere. You know, have people sending in their home-baked cakes and knitting me the odd jumper.”
“But you only ever wear suits,” said TheVamp.
“Ah, well that’s where you’re wrong. I’ve hired an image consultant and a television presenter to advise me on how best to get this, er, gig and they tell me that I’ll need to soften my image.”
“Gig?” said BusyBody. “Since when did you start talking about gigs?”
“Since he got an image consultant,” smiled TheBusker.
“So how do you see this commentary going?” asked TheCreep.
“Counsel for the claimant steps up to the crease,” said TheBusker.
“Adjusts his wig and takes his guard from the judge,” said BusyBody.
“Then he’s bowled a googly by his opponent,” said TheVamp. “A howler of a precedent, straight from the House of Lords.”
“But he bats it safely away to the corner of the courtroom with a cover drive from the statute book,” smiled HeadofChambers.
“It’s a lot of fuss about nothing, if you ask me,” said OldRuin. “The only surprise the public might have when they watch is quite how slow and laborious are the workings of the machinery of justice. I hardly think it’s going to be prime time viewing.”
“Unless of course OldSmoothie’s commentary is so bad as to become cult viewing in itself,” said TheVamp.
“Yes, maybe TheCreep will get his car crash TV after all,” smiled BusyBody.
BabyBarista is a fictional account of a junior barrister written by Tim Kevan whose new novel is Law and Peace. For more information and to read past posts visit babybarista.com. Cartoons by Alex Williams, author of 101 Ways to Leave the Law.