Legal directory games

“Please, please, please. Just this once. Perrrleeese…” It was TheCreep on his mobile phone in chambers.

“Sounds like one of his submissions in court,” said OldSmoothie.

“I know what it is,” said TheVamp. “He’s making his annual round of begging calls to solicitors to try and get them to say something nice about him to the various legal directories.”

“But he’s never been mentioned by a single directory,” said BusyBody.

“Exactly,” said TheVamp. “That’s the problem.”

“Can you imagine what the comments would be even if they were trying to be nice?” said TheBusker.

“The papers always come back neat and tidy,” said BusyBody.

“He will do anything you ask,” said TheVamp.

“An excellent last minute babysitter,” said HeadofChambers.

“Always the first person I ring when I need some free advice,” said Teflon.

“Very good at organising mini-pupillages for my friends’ children,” said HeadClerk.

“If you need lunch and you’re near the Temple then TheCreep’s your man,” said OldSmoothie.

“A man whose skeleton arguments are far from skeleton,” said BusyBody.

“A lethal weapon if you want to bore your opponents to death,” said UpTights.
TheCreep had come off the telephone by now and wasn’t look happy. “It’s just not fair,” he wailed. “These things all seem to go on who likes who and have nothing whatsoever to do with how much work you put in.”

“Welcome to the real world,” said OldSmoothie.

“But why do these things matter at all?” said a pupil.

“Because there’s nothing more powerful than peer review,” said OldSmoothie puffing out his chest.

“Or unadulterated vanity,” said BusyBody.

“And because these days solicitors hardly ever see you in court,” said TheVamp.

“So they therefore want to know what other solicitors might have to say about you?” said the pupil.

“Exactly,” said TheVamp.

“Even though they hardly ever see you in court either?” persisted the pupil.
“Quite so,” came the reply.

BabyBarista is a fictional account of a junior barrister written by Tim Kevan whose new novel is Law and Peace. For more information and to read past posts visit Cartoons by Alex Williams, author of 101 Ways to Leave the Law.

March 26, 2012 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Tags: , , , ,  · Posted in: Uncategorized