The Eleanor Rigbys of law

“I’m really worried about UpTights,” said BusyBody today.

“Why’s that?” asked OldSmoothie. “Except for the more usual worries about her veering between crazed harpie or stretched love bomb?”

“No, I’m serious,” said BusyBody. “She’s spent the last few months shut away trying to gain more friends and followers on Facebook and Twitter. Somehow just by her constant clicking she seems to have garnered about a thousand on each.”

“That’s hardly unusual these days,” said OldSmoothie. “One of the junior tenants pretty much makes his submissions as if he’s making a series of status updates.”

“No, it’s far worse than that,” said BusyBody. “She’s somehow got it into her head that these people really are her friends. That finally she has found a way to connect with other human beings.”

“Good for her,” said HeadofChambers. “Could be a turn for the better in my view.”

“Well that might have been so,” said BusyBody, “were it not for the latest update.”

“And what exactly has she been saying?” said TheBusker.

“Shall I spend the weekend in Paris or Southend?” quoted BusyBody. “I will go with whichever gets the most replies.”

“Well that’s kind of kooky,” said TheBusker. “But hey, it’s certainly no big deal.”

“I agree,” said BusyBody. “Were it not for the fact that she’s now updated that same question over two hundred times in the last twenty four hours and not had a single reply from anyone anywhere.”

“No one?” said TheBusker.

“Not a soul,” said BusyBody.

“Yet another Eleanor Rigby of the law,” said OldRuin with a sincere look of regret.

“Don’t you just love being a lawyer,” said OldSmoothie glancing at the pupils who were huddled in the biscuit corner.

“It’s the long train journeys that get me,” said Teflon.

“For me it’s that everything’s so transitory,” said BusyBody. “One minute you’re the centre of attention in a huge case and the whole world’s your friend. Yet the next day it’s all forgotten and you’re starting all over again in another part of the country.”

“But at least we all have one thing that bonds us all together,” said TheVamp.

“Love of the law?” asked TheCreep.

“Oh do shut up,” said HeadofChambers.

“Money?” asked OldSmoothie.

“Oh, I don’t really know what it is,” said TheVamp. “It’s just that today after visiting my client in his cell on the South coast I spotted a couple of seagulls flying overhead…”

“And? What? You envied their freedom?” said OldSmoothie sarcastically.

TheVamp looked a little stunned. “Actually, that’s precisely how I felt.”

“Oh, get over it,” came the reply. “What on earth would you do on the outside?”

“That’s just the problem,” said TheVamp.

“So stop being morose and sit back and enjoy all the finest trappings that this gilded cage can offer.”


BabyBarista is a fictional account of a junior barrister written by Tim Kevan whose new novel is Law and Peace. For more information and to read past posts visit Cartoons by Alex Williams, author of 101 Ways to Leave the Law.

March 16, 2012 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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