Health and safety at Christmas

“I’ve invited some solicitors over to chambers next week for a Christmas party,” said Slick the modernising QC. “I expect everyone to be there supporting our new client-focused marketing strategy.”

There was a collective groan from most of the room. “I hate going begging for work,” said TheVamp. “It’s just so demeaning.”

“Do you really think we need to attend?” asked BusyBody. “I don’t think I’ve ever got anything out of these events except a sore head the next morning.”

“And an empty wallet,” said TheCreep.

“It’s funny how people are so careful not to buy cases off solicitors and yet they don’t even flinch at spending thousands of pounds feeding them expensive champagne with the sole intention of trying to get work,” said Teflon

“Maybe we can get the event cancelled on the grounds of health and safety,” whispered TheVamp.

“Excellent idea. I mean, first you have the simple occupiers liability. They could trip and slip in any part of this antiquated old building.”

“I think you’ll find we’re insured for that,” said Slick smugly.

“Ah but you’ll need to have a thorough risk assessment from the properly qualified officer,” smiled BusyBody.

“And then there’s the risk of business interruption if there’s a fire or the like,” said TheBusker.

“Or cyber liability if visitors use our wireless and cause damage.”

“Don’t forget property damage or even theft caused by drunken marauding solicitors,” said OldSmoothie.

“And remember that the insurance might not apply if you’ve been force-feeding your visitors alcohol for several hours before any accident,” said TheCreep.

“And what if we were to serve mince pies that poisoned a whole firm of solicitors. Just imagine the loss that would incur,” added TheVamp.

“Imagine the hoops that Father Christmas would have to jump through just to get his presents delivered. I mean, not only would there be import duties to consider but then there would be flying licenses for each country, livestock forms to be sent to whatever ministry for the reindeer…”

“Minimum wages for elves,” said TheVamp.

“And that’s before you start considering the liability of householders for the state of their chimneys,” smiled TheBusker.

“So it’s basically a good thing that lawyers have absolutely nothing to do with organising Christmas and its festivities then,” said HeadClerk. “Shame we can’t say the same for more things in this world.”

BabyBarista is a fictional account of a junior barrister written by Tim Kevan whose new novel is Law and Peace. For more information and to read past posts visit babybarista.com. Cartoons by Alex Williams, author of 101 Ways to Leave the Law.

December 8, 2011 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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