Who is the stupidest judge in the country?

“I was reading the introduction to the government’s new Ogden tables the other day,” said TheCreep.

“Well, that comes as no surprise,” said BusyBody. “Night time reading, I presume.”

“Yes, I imagine he also counts judges leaping over benches as a means of getting to sleep,” said OldSmoothie.

“Which is better than you counting female pupils,” said BusyBody.

“Oh, leave little CweepyWeepy alone,” said TheVamp. “What were you trying to tell us?” she continued whilst at the same time patting him on the head.

“Well, it was just that I quite liked the introduction which quoted Sir Michael Ogden QC referring to the first edition. He said: ‘When it comes to the explanatory notes we must make sure that they are readily comprehensible. We must assume the most stupid circuit judge in the country and before him are the two most stupid advocates. All three of them must be able to understand what we are saying’.”

“Wow, now that really is quite a challenge,” said HeadofChambers. “I mean, just imagine that: the most stupid circuit judge in the country with the two most stupid advocates in front of him.”

“I think there would be hot competition for places,” said Teflon.

“Sounds like a terrible play in which OldSmoothie takes all the parts,” said UpTights.

“I note that he referred to the most stupid circuit judge as a he,” said BusyBody.

“I think you’ll find that he was using that term in the sense implied by the Interpretation Act,” said OldSmoothie rising to the bait.

“And not that he doesn’t feel the need to cater for the most stupid District Judge,” said TheBusker.

“Now that would be a tall order,” said BusyBody.

“It’s crazy how much the quality of judges differs so dramatically from court to court,” said TheVamp. “Talk about a postcode lottery.”

“Maybe they should start making judges a little more accountable?” said TheCreep. “What like giving them marks out of ten and sending the results back to the Ministry of Justice?” said TheBusker.

“Now there’s an idea,” said BusyBody. “From one to ten, quite how rude was the judge? Or how little did he actually listen to counsels’ arguments?”

“But that would take the whole fun out of being a judge in the first place,” said OldSmoothie. “Bullying barristers and being able to generally do what you like surely has to be a prerogative of…”

“…er, an independent judiciary,” said TheBusker.

“Yes, quite so,” said OldSmoothie.

BabyBarista is a fictional account of a junior barrister written by Tim Kevan whose new novel is Law and Peace. For more information and to read past posts visit babybarista.com. Cartoons by Alex Williams, author of 101 Ways to Leave the Law.

October 28, 2011 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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