Planking in court

Two of the pupils were against each other yesterday and afterwards were regaling chambers tea about how they had a planking competition in court.

“The whole point was to see who could get the best plank in front of the judge,” said one.

“So I was cross-examining the claimant,” said the other, “and I asked him how he was lying after he slipped. When he replied that it was face down, I then lay down on the bench in front of me, arms by my side, and asked if it was something like that.”

“The judge looked a little perturbed at this,” said the other, “but I then saw my opportunity and piped up that it was ‘just like planking’…”

“…and the judge then asked ‘what exactly is planking…'”

“…and so I showed him.”

Well, by this point they were quite breathless in their excitement to tell of their jolly japes at court.

“We even got the mini-pupil to take pictures.”

“Must be the best plank ever.”

“We could even use it to get chambers some publicity.”

By this point, the rest of chambers tea was utterly silent and eventually the pupils realised something might be up and stopped wittering.

“You do realise that you’ve coerced the mini-pupil into committing a serious criminal offence?” said OldSmoothie.

“Er, what, er…” The pupils looked at each other in confusion.

“For which he could be imprisoned.”

“He’s right,” said UpTights. “Contempt of court. I just hope for your sakes that you haven’t distributed the picture on The Twitbook thingy.”

Another look between the pupils. This time of panic.

BabyBarista is a fictional account of a junior barrister practising at the English Bar, written by barrister and writer Tim Kevan. For more information and to read posts from the last few years visit babybarista.com. Cartoons by Alex Williams, author of 101 Ways to Leave the Law.