You’re a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here

‘Who is it that juries really listen to?’ asked SlipperySlope today.
‘The barristers,’ said TheCreep.

‘Oh bless MrCreepyWeepy, you really think they listen to you?’ said TheVamp.

‘Well they certainly listen to the judge,’ said OldSmoothie. ‘I see them taking notes whenever I’m sitting.’

‘You might think they’re taking notes,’ said SlipperySlope. ‘But from my research they’re much more likely to be completing a quiz in some celebrity magazine or other.’

‘So why do you ask?’ I said.

‘Just that I’m setting up a panel of celebrities who will accompany my clients to court when they’re facing a particularly difficult jury trial. You know, pop stars, comedians, models. Maybe footballers to suit the particular area where the trial is set.’

‘What like rent-a-celebrity-new-best-friend?’ said BusyBody.

‘More like You’re a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here,’ chuckled TheBusker.

‘Though you’d have to be careful which ones you chose,’ said TheVamp. ‘I mean, even the most popular ones start to get up your nose when they stray into matters that don’t concern them.’

‘What on earth has the world come to when we look to Z-list fame-hungry non-entities to persuade a jury of a man’s guilt or innocence?’ said OldSmoothie.

‘As opposed to off-the-list, non-entity barristers like yourself, I suppose,’ said UpTights.

‘But why would these so-called celebrities even get involved?’ asked OldRuin. ‘Don’t they have any principles at all?’

‘In my experience,’ said Slippery, ‘their principles are inversely proportional to the amount of money which is offered. Though I’m also offering them free divorce advice as well.’

‘Maybe you could call that side of your practice Ex-Factor,’ said TheBusker.

‘Or for that matter, I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here,’ said TheVamp.

BabyBarista is a fictional account of a junior barrister practising at the English Bar, written by barrister and writer Tim Kevan. For more information and to read posts from the last few years visit Cartoons by Alex Williams, author of 101 Ways to Leave the Law.

December 23, 2010 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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