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Marriage-lite

“I hear the Supreme Court may be about to legalise pre-nuptial agreements very soon,” said TheBusker in the clerks room earlier today.
“Shame they weren’t around for my first two divorces,” said OldSmoothie.
“Or mine,” chorused another five or six lawyers in tandem.
TheBusker smiled. “Seems to me that one of the sectors of society that has come off worst from their not being recognised is fat cat lawyers.”
“Of course, that wouldn’t influence the Supreme Court’s reasoning in any way, now would it,” said BusyBody sarcastically.
“Of course not,” said UpTights, backing her up.
OldRuin entered the room as the conversation was going on and added wistfully: “You know, in my day the only pre-nuptial agreement we’d ever want to make were, er, how shall I put it?” He paused before continuing, “A little more romantic.”
In the meantime, HeadClerk was starting to look impatient. “We don’t have time to stand around talking. If a court is going to invent a whole new area of practice then I want you all out there drumming up business. Radio, TV, newspapers, you name it. Oh and someone go and set up the website marriage-lite.com. We’re about to be the world’s leading experts on stitching up your fiancée dot com.

For more on this story visit guardian.co.uk. Follow me on Facebook and Twitter or leave a comment below.

June 10, 2010 · Tim Kevan · 3 Comments
Posted in: Uncategorized

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• THE MAIN CHARACTERS

• OldSmoothie

  
• Think Peter Bowles in To The Manor Born and Milk Tray Man, but not quite. Once successful barrister now put out to graze as a committee man.

• TheCreep

  
• Jumped up little twerp who sucks up to the big beasts in chambers and struts around as if he's really something when actually he's not.

• SlipperySlope

  
  

  Solicitor skilled in the art of creative billing. Has the airs and graces of a country squire but is more a cross between Arthur Daley and Boycie from 'Only Fools and Horses'.

• Smutton

  
  

  Brassy to UpTights’s classy and yet still, somehow, sexy.

• NurserySlope

  
  

  Solicitor who is SlipperySlope's neice. Skis, rides and looks like a horse.

• JetSet

  
  

  A new solicitor character who's got a training contract and lords it over PanicStricken. She's wealthy, well- connected and spends most weekends either skiing or clubbing abroad.

• ScandalMonger

  
• Ruthless PR guru who has become one of BabyB's secret litigation weapons

• BigMouth

  
• Pompous Tory MP stuck on the backbenches like a piece of old chewing gum

• BusyBody

  
• A whirlwind of interference with a good heart and always up for a fight, particularly with OldSmoothie.

• TopFirst

  
• BabyB’s sworn enemy and former fellow pupil

• BabyBarista

  
• A young Flashman meets Rumpole meets Francis Urquart for the 21st century

• OldFatherTime

  
• A whisper on the wind, Highlander-type figure who is older than time itself

• TheVamp

  
• Tenant in chambers and a walking Carry On film of an innuendo

• OldRuin

  
• How a barrister should be. Dumbledore meets Clarence, the angel in Its a Wonderful Life. BabyB’s redemption.

• TheBusker

  
• Barrister of ten years call with the integrity and decency of OldRuin. Very laid back in his approach to both court and life. Admired by BabyB.

• TheBoss

  
• BabyB’s ex-pupilmaster. Unscrupulous, spineless coward.

• HeadClerk

  
• The real power in chambers. All seeing, all knowing.

• PupilFodder

  
• Learner Barrister foisted upon his unsuspecting client who gets shredded in court

• UpTights

  
• BabyB’s pupilmistress for his second six months who was almost called BoTucks for the work she’s had done. Insists on boundaries and personal space. Has ‘issues’.

• JudgeJewellery

  
• Judge with penchant for stealing high street trinkets