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Year 4, week 14: twenty tenors or tenners?

“So what are they going to call this next decade?” said OldSmoothie at chambers tea just before Christmas.
“Well, we’ve had the noughties so maybe now it’s the tenties?” said BusyBody.
“Yes, quite. The age of austerity and repossessions which will leave us all living in tents if we’re not careful,” said HeadofChambers.
“Or at least struggling to pay for a second home, a nanny and school fees on top,” said TheBusker wryly.
“Not forgetting child support and the odd mistress,” said BusyBody looking directly at OldSmoothie.
“Odd being the operative word,” retorted the pompous one.
“How about the tweenies?” said TheVamp. “Or the inbetweenies?”
“Even though the teens aren’t for another few years,” piped up TheCreep. “And for what it’s worth, even the first decade of this century doesn’t finish until the end of 2010.”
“As with most things you have to say my little friend, “said UpTights, “it’s worth even less than your legal practice.” She paused and then smiled. “Which for some reason prompts the twenty tenners. Your daily fee, perhaps?”
“You know, personally I quite favour the twenty tenors,” said OldRuin, diplomatically cutting through the tension. “There’s something almost operatic in all this war-making amid financial ruin.”
“You’re a marketing genius,” said TheBusker. “I can see it now. The new X-Factor. The search for the twenty tenors for the twenty tenors.”

But whatever, they eventually decide, may I wish all readers of this blog a very happy new year and best wishes for 2010.

January 1, 2010 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Posted in: Uncategorized

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• THE MAIN CHARACTERS

• OldSmoothie

  
• Think Peter Bowles in To The Manor Born and Milk Tray Man, but not quite. Once successful barrister now put out to graze as a committee man.

• TheCreep

  
• Jumped up little twerp who sucks up to the big beasts in chambers and struts around as if he's really something when actually he's not.

• SlipperySlope

  
  

  Solicitor skilled in the art of creative billing. Has the airs and graces of a country squire but is more a cross between Arthur Daley and Boycie from 'Only Fools and Horses'.

• Smutton

  
  

  Brassy to UpTights’s classy and yet still, somehow, sexy.

• NurserySlope

  
  

  Solicitor who is SlipperySlope's neice. Skis, rides and looks like a horse.

• JetSet

  
  

  A new solicitor character who's got a training contract and lords it over PanicStricken. She's wealthy, well- connected and spends most weekends either skiing or clubbing abroad.

• ScandalMonger

  
• Ruthless PR guru who has become one of BabyB's secret litigation weapons

• BigMouth

  
• Pompous Tory MP stuck on the backbenches like a piece of old chewing gum

• BusyBody

  
• A whirlwind of interference with a good heart and always up for a fight, particularly with OldSmoothie.

• TopFirst

  
• BabyB’s sworn enemy and former fellow pupil

• BabyBarista

  
• A young Flashman meets Rumpole meets Francis Urquart for the 21st century

• OldFatherTime

  
• A whisper on the wind, Highlander-type figure who is older than time itself

• TheVamp

  
• Tenant in chambers and a walking Carry On film of an innuendo

• OldRuin

  
• How a barrister should be. Dumbledore meets Clarence, the angel in Its a Wonderful Life. BabyB’s redemption.

• TheBusker

  
• Barrister of ten years call with the integrity and decency of OldRuin. Very laid back in his approach to both court and life. Admired by BabyB.

• TheBoss

  
• BabyB’s ex-pupilmaster. Unscrupulous, spineless coward.

• HeadClerk

  
• The real power in chambers. All seeing, all knowing.

• PupilFodder

  
• Learner Barrister foisted upon his unsuspecting client who gets shredded in court

• UpTights

  
• BabyB’s pupilmistress for his second six months who was almost called BoTucks for the work she’s had done. Insists on boundaries and personal space. Has ‘issues’.

• JudgeJewellery

  
• Judge with penchant for stealing high street trinkets