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Year 4, week 5: postman plod…

“Don’t forget there’s another postal strike,” said HeadClerk this morning.
“Extraordinary,” said OldSmoothie. “Like turkeys voting for Christmas.”
“Well, so long as it’s not by postal vote,” said TheVamp coming into the Clerks Room.
“Yet another reason for solicitors to delay paying us,” said UpTights.
“As if they need another reason,” said TheCreep.
“You know, I am currently owed over two hundred grand by those thieving, snivelling pencil pushers,” said UpTights.
“That’ll be the same thieving snivelling pencil pushers who put bread on your table,” smiled TheBusker.
“And botulism in your face,” piped up OldSmoothie.
“It’s just not right, though,” said UpTights. “I mean, no-one is in the civilised world gets treated like we barristers do what with late payments and last minute briefs. No-one. Not even, er…”

She trailed off as she realised that everyone was now listening and waiting to hear what she would come up with next.
“Not even, er…” Then in a panic, she came up with “…postmen.”

Well, quite.

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Related posts:

1. Year 3, week 29: credit crunch
2. Year 3, week 19: the end of lawyers
3. Day 135, week 28: UpTights' briefs
4. Year 4, week 5: skeleton arguments
5. Year 2, week 24: wind of change

October 26, 2009 · babybarista · 3 Comments
Posted in: Uncategorized

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• Law and Peace

  
• Law and Peace is the second novel in The BabyBarista Files and was published in 2011. It is the sequel to Law and Disorder which was described by broadcaster Jeremy Vine as "a wonderful, racing read - well-drawn, smartly plotted and laugh out loud" and by The Times as "a cross between The Talented Mr Ripley, Rumpole and Bridget Jones’s Diary". The books are based upon this blog which appeared on The Times for three years and now appears on The Guardian and which was described by The Lawyer as "genius". The books are available on amazon. You can also listen to 'Law and Disorder' read by Tim Kevan at www.audible.co.uk.

• THE MAIN CHARACTERS

• PanicStricken

  
  

  A new character who's desperate for a training contract but has just been demoted from minimum wage legal assistant to unpaid intern
• 

• OldSmoothie

  
• Think Peter Bowles in To The Manor Born and Milk Tray Man, but not quite. Once successful barrister now put out to graze as a committee man.
• 
  Follow BabyBarista's adventures with the ICLR

• TheCreep

  
• Jumped up little twerp who sucks up to the big beasts in chambers and struts around as if he's really something when actually he's not.

• SlipperySlope

  
  

  Solicitor skilled in the art of creative billing. Has the airs and graces of a country squire but is more a cross between Arthur Daley and Boycie from 'Only Fools and Horses'.

• Smutton

  
  

  Brassy to UpTights’s classy and yet still, somehow, sexy.

• NurserySlope

  
  

  Solicitor who is SlipperySlope's neice. Skis, rides and looks like a horse.

• JetSet

  
  

  A new solicitor character who's got a training contract and lords it over PanicStricken. She's wealthy, well- connected and spends most weekends either skiing or clubbing abroad.

• ScandalMonger

  
• Ruthless PR guru who has become one of BabyB's secret litigation weapons
• 
  

• BigMouth

  
• Pompous Tory MP stuck on the backbenches like a piece of old chewing gum
• 

• BusyBody

  
• A whirlwind of interference with a good heart and always up for a fight, particularly with OldSmoothie.

• TopFirst

  
• BabyB’s sworn enemy and former fellow pupil

• BabyBarista

  
• A young Flashman meets Rumpole meets Francis Urquart for the 21st century

• OldFatherTime

  
• A whisper on the wind, Highlander-type figure who is older than time itself

• TheVamp

  
• Tenant in chambers and a walking Carry On film of an innuendo

• OldRuin

  
• How a barrister should be. Dumbledore meets Clarence, the angel in Its a Wonderful Life. BabyB’s redemption.

• TheBusker

  
• Barrister of ten years call with the integrity and decency of OldRuin. Very laid back in his approach to both court and life. Admired by BabyB.

• TheBoss

  
• BabyB’s ex-pupilmaster. Unscrupulous, spineless coward.

• HeadClerk

  
• The real power in chambers. All seeing, all knowing.

• PupilFodder

  
• Learner Barrister foisted upon his unsuspecting client who gets shredded in court

• UpTights

  
• BabyB’s pupilmistress for his second six months who was almost called BoTucks for the work she’s had done. Insists on boundaries and personal space. Has ‘issues’.

• JudgeJewellery

  
• Judge with penchant for stealing high street trinkets