Year 3, week 49: the RugbyShuffle
âItâs outrageous whatâs been going on in the rugby world recently,â said OldSmoothie to me over a coffee yesterday morning.
âI know, itâs terrible,â I said. âCould bring the whole game into disrepute.â
âNo, I donât mean thatâs terrible,â answered OldSmoothie. âItâs that theyâve exposed one of my best courtroom tricks for getting a witness out off a sticky wicket.â
âWhat do you mean?â I asked.
âOh, donât play innocent with me BabyB. Surely with a pupilmaster like TheBoss you were taught the old RugbyShuffle?â
âIâm not sure I was. What does it involve?â
âHa. Well, Iâm surprised Iâm able to teach one of TheBossâs ex-pupils anything but let me explain. Strictly between these four walls, obviously.â
Obviously.
âWell, only for trusted clients and witnesses really. Either people youâve got to know pretty well or experts who know which side their bread is buttered if you know what I mean.â
I certainly did.
âAll comes down to the same principle as faking a rugby injury with comedy blood. Very simple really. If the witness is in on the ropes or even taking the count then you need to get them off the stand any which way you can.â
âRight.â
âSo you just warn the witness beforehand that if that should happen then a spot of migraine might not go amiss. Could buy twenty minutes and even very occasionally an adjournment. If itâs done well then on their return the heat has been taken from the attack and the witness is back to fighting fitness. Iâve even known one barrister carry around his famous ânose-bleed handkerchiefâ for witnesses he was particularly worried about. One blow into that and the blood came poring out.â
âOh.â
âCanât believe you havenât been using it. I mean, you can see why Iâm annoyed about the rugby case, now?â
Well, quite.
September 3, 2009
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Tim Kevan ¡
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The horror of the rugby blood scandal was how dishonourable it was. Not that one would expect you Slytherin chaps to understand that.