Year 3, week 40: Carry On Cricket

“Well, I’d give her a thick edge.” It was OldSmoothie after a few glasses of Rioja last night when talk had turned from the Ashes to a recent female opponent.
“I’d just settle for a feel of her silly mid off,” said HeadofChambers.
“Just pitch it up and watch her tickle it to fine leg,” chortled OldSmoothie.
“Bowl it into the rough and watch her perform a nifty little reverse sweep.”
“Around the wicket, of course.”
“Absolutely. Then all you need is good line and length.”
“Well, quite. After that you just get her to stroke it into the covers.”
“Poke it away to deep point.”
“Crack it through midwicket.”
“Nudge one into the slips.”
“Slip one into the gully.”
“Tease her out of the crease.”
“Pull it to long on.”
“Hook it to long leg.”
“On a full toss.”

By this point these two grown men were starting to giggle uncontrollably.
“Give her a long hop.”
“On a sticky wicket.”
“Show her my googlies.”
“Tail-End-Her.”
“York-Her.”
“Straight through the gate.”

…and so it went on for about half an hour. Hard to listen to the cricket commentary in the same light again.

July 9, 2009 · Tim Kevan · 4 Comments
Posted in: Uncategorized

4 Responses

  1. Charon QC - July 8, 2009

    BabyBarista… you got the lot… clean bowled… most enjoyable.
    I was on twitter earlier reading @Obnoxiotheclown’s #cricketfilm tweets…
    “Taking of wicket 1 2 3 etc… I could not resist with
    “One flew over the batsman’s head.
    OldSmoothie has made a fine choice of wine!

  2. Lloyd - July 9, 2009

    A “quick reverse sweep” before she took out his middle stump. Cricket makes sense now

  3. LawLibrarian - July 14, 2009

    hahahahahaha!

  4. michaele - July 29, 2009

    Two fine legs and a deep gully and be done with the double entendre