Year 3, week 23: TheScreech

Last night I went to a dinner at a certain red brick university in which we were all there to encourage people to apply to the Bar. I assume they organised it on a Tuesday on the basis that students are basically drunk for most of the rest of evenings later in the week. Either that or they’re even more hardcore and simply like to start off the heavy drinking early in the week. Anyway, that’s certainly what it turned into for me when I discovered quite who I was sitting next to. Or rather what I was sitting next to, since all I remember are a pair of hands and a voice. Ridiculously large hands for his tiny body coupled with a screeching little voice which was something between the sound of bats being woken and a high pitched whining passing of wind. The hands and the voice just didn’t mix well and it has to be said, nor did we. Let’s just say that he was full of himself and perhaps leave it at that. Or at least, it might just suffice to say that he was a chancery lawyer who liked talking about himself and his “massive” income and his unfeasibly “large” practice. Then there was his “enormous” room in chambers and his “generously proportioned” flat next to Tower Bridge. All described with the assistance of those hands which he waved around as if he were directing aeroplanes on a runway.

After about half an hour of this, even the two earnest female students opposite were starting to look over at me in amusement every time he came up with another boast. Just as he was in the middle of his “if you play your cards right you too could have huge clients and even bigger cases like me”, one of the students piped up with: “So MrScreech, would you say that size matters for a career at the Bar?”
It suddenly stopped him in his tracks and he blushed and replied with: “What do you mean by size?”
“Why would you ask what I mean,” she replied. “What could I possibly be referring to other than clients and cases? So, size. Does…it…matter…” She pouted these last few words before digging into her main course which just happened to be toad in the hole. TheScreech was silenced and one thing is for sure: the lady will go far at the Bar.

March 4, 2009 · Tim Kevan · 2 Comments
Posted in: Uncategorized

2 Responses

  1. Rob - March 4, 2009

    Good to have you back, BabyB. Incidentally, what (in your opinion) are the prospects for an Oxbridge 2:1 at the bar, and any chance of a clue to your college?

  2. Tamanna - March 5, 2009

    BabyBarista, I need backup.
    I was slated horribly as a consequence of a comment I posted on this link: http://timesonline.typepad.com/schoolgate/2009/03/as-emma-watson.html
    Perhaps you could also comment? I am, by the by, an absolute fan of your blog. I particularly find it hilarious when BabyB becomes shy of QueenBee. Keep up the good work!