BabyBarista

A worm's eye view of the English Bar

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Archive for March, 2009

Year 3, week 27: my identity – yeh right!

Well, the story’s finally out on The Times that I've gone and got myself a book deal with Harry Potter's very own, Bloomsbury Publishing. It’s all set to come out in August and it seems that you can already order advance copies on amazon. But one thing they insisted on was that my identity be […]

March 31, 2009 · Tim Kevan · 10 Comments
Posted in: Uncategorized

Year 3, week 26: LeadingCounsel

Much chatter in the clerks room this morning due to the fact that TheBusker brought his dog into chambers. Given that the dog was actually dragging him along on the lead, HeadClerk was immediately in with: “Ah, your famous dog and leading counsel, I see.”“Wouldn’t have been allowed in my day”, said HeadofChambers.“Oh, I don’t […]

March 26, 2009 · Tim Kevan · One Comment
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Year 3, week 25: jobsworths

I overheard TheBusker telling HeadClerk this morning about a parking fine he’d be given: “Yes, I was parked about an inch over the edge of the parking bay and only because the first car had already encroached into my own.”“So what did you do?” asked HeadClerk.“Just not worth the time even considering an appeal so […]

March 18, 2009 · Tim Kevan · 8 Comments
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Year 3, week 25: I’m appalled…

Following on from BusyBody and UpTights’ banter about OldSmoothie ‘emerging’ last week, BusyBody was telling me this morning what it’s prompted: “Well, it’s all about your google profile these days BabyB and one of the easiest ways to increase the number of high ranking references to you is to leave comments on big news stories […]

March 16, 2009 · Tim Kevan · 3 Comments
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Year 3, week 24: emerging

OldSmoothie was lamenting times gone by at Chambers Tea yesterday afternoon. “No-one just emerges any longer.”“What do you mean emerges?” I asked.“Emerges. Just what it says. Appears in place. Emerges from nowhere to take the role.”“And I’m imagining that would be referring to the role of high court judge, would it?” asked BusyBody.“Not just them. […]

March 12, 2009 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Posted in: Uncategorized

Year 3, week 24: bring it on

Well, first it was Worrier being hired to defend the Banksters. Today, it transpired that they’ve gone one step further than that and taken on UpTights and TopFirst as well. All I have to say in response is: “Bring it on. May the game continue and the best wig win.”

March 11, 2009 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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Year 3, week 24: banksters

“Hey, BabyB.” It was Worrier and she had rung me on my mobile sounding in a particularly nervous state even for her. “I just wanted to give you a heads up before you found it out from anyone else.”“Found out what?” I asked.“Er, well, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way but […]

March 10, 2009 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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Year 3, week 23: TheScreech

Last night I went to a dinner at a certain red brick university in which we were all there to encourage people to apply to the Bar. I assume they organised it on a Tuesday on the basis that students are basically drunk for most of the rest of evenings later in the week. Either […]

March 4, 2009 · Tim Kevan · 2 Comments
Posted in: Uncategorized

• THE MAIN CHARACTERS

• OldSmoothie

  
• Think Peter Bowles in To The Manor Born and Milk Tray Man, but not quite. Once successful barrister now put out to graze as a committee man.

• TheCreep

  
• Jumped up little twerp who sucks up to the big beasts in chambers and struts around as if he's really something when actually he's not.

• SlipperySlope

  
  

  Solicitor skilled in the art of creative billing. Has the airs and graces of a country squire but is more a cross between Arthur Daley and Boycie from 'Only Fools and Horses'.

• Smutton

  
  

  Brassy to UpTights’s classy and yet still, somehow, sexy.

• NurserySlope

  
  

  Solicitor who is SlipperySlope's neice. Skis, rides and looks like a horse.

• JetSet

  
  

  A new solicitor character who's got a training contract and lords it over PanicStricken. She's wealthy, well- connected and spends most weekends either skiing or clubbing abroad.

• ScandalMonger

  
• Ruthless PR guru who has become one of BabyB's secret litigation weapons

• BigMouth

  
• Pompous Tory MP stuck on the backbenches like a piece of old chewing gum

• BusyBody

  
• A whirlwind of interference with a good heart and always up for a fight, particularly with OldSmoothie.

• TopFirst

  
• BabyB’s sworn enemy and former fellow pupil

• BabyBarista

  
• A young Flashman meets Rumpole meets Francis Urquart for the 21st century

• OldFatherTime

  
• A whisper on the wind, Highlander-type figure who is older than time itself

• TheVamp

  
• Tenant in chambers and a walking Carry On film of an innuendo

• OldRuin

  
• How a barrister should be. Dumbledore meets Clarence, the angel in Its a Wonderful Life. BabyB’s redemption.

• TheBusker

  
• Barrister of ten years call with the integrity and decency of OldRuin. Very laid back in his approach to both court and life. Admired by BabyB.

• TheBoss

  
• BabyB’s ex-pupilmaster. Unscrupulous, spineless coward.

• HeadClerk

  
• The real power in chambers. All seeing, all knowing.

• PupilFodder

  
• Learner Barrister foisted upon his unsuspecting client who gets shredded in court

• UpTights

  
• BabyB’s pupilmistress for his second six months who was almost called BoTucks for the work she’s had done. Insists on boundaries and personal space. Has ‘issues’.

• JudgeJewellery

  
• Judge with penchant for stealing high street trinkets